The Heather Reu Memorial Ride Is Inconvenient

• It's on a Sunday
• It's the day after Independence Day
• 4:00 P.M. is smack-dab in the middle of my all-sacred nap time
• It's in the middle of the afternoon
• It will be hot
• There is no shade along the ride

Good.

Painful things shouldn't be painless. I'll see you there. Granted, a big thunderstorm directly overhead would be a consideration, but barring that I'll be wearing all black in the middle of a hot, sunny Sunday afternoon.

Oh Shut Up and Light the Damn Firecrackers Already

Keeping perspective and considering context is both very, very important and a potentially giant buzzkill.

Examples:

It's always fun to check out the national anthems of other countries. Here's the Philippines, from a Wiki page:

Beloved country,
Pearl of the Orient,
The burning [fervour] of the heart,
In thy chest is ever alive.

Chosen Land,
Thou art the cradle of the brave.
To the conquerors,
Thou shall never surrender.

In the seas and mountains,
In the air and in thy sky of blue,
There is splendour in the poem
And [in the] song for freedom beloved.

The sparkle of thy flag
Is victory that shines.
Its stars and sun
Forever shall never dim.

Land of the sun,
of glory and our love,
Life is heaven in thy embrace;
It is our joy, when there are oppressors,
To die because of thee.

Joy "to die because of thee" huh? That's hardcore, and reminds one that some Filipinos are big on nailing themselves to crosses and stuff around Easter every year.

As "Declarations of Independence" go, I like the Hungarian one (sorry for the length, but I think it's worth it...and besides, this is just a small part of the whole, hyper-specific, thing):

DECLARATION RELATIVE TO THE SEPARATION OF HUNGARY FROM AUSTRIA

WE, the legally constituted representatives of the Hungarian nation, assembled in Diet, do by these presents solemnly proclaim, in maintenance of the inalienable natural rights of Hungary, with all its dependencies, to occupy the position of an independent European State -- that the house of Hapsburg-Lorraine, as perjured in the sight of God and man, has forfeited its right to the Hungarian throne.

At the same time we feel ourselves bound in duty to make known the motives and reasons which have impelled us to this decision, that the civilized world may learn we have taken this step not out of overweening confidence in our own wisdom, or out of revolutionary excitement, but that it is an act of the last necessity, adopted to preserve from utter destruction a nation persecuted to the limit of the most enduring patience.

Three hundred years have passed since the Hungarian nation, by free election, placed the house of Austria upon its throne, in accordance with stipulations made on both sides, and ratified by treaty. These three hundred years have been, for the country, a period of uninterrupted suffering.

The Creator has blessed this country with all the elements of wealth and happiness. Its area of 100,000 square miles presents in varied profusion innumerable sources of prosperity. Its population, numbering nearly fifteen millions, feels the glow of youthful strength within its veins, and has shown temper and docility which warrant its proving at once the main organ of civilization in eastern Europe, and the guardian of that civilization when attacked. Never was a more grateful task appointed to a reigning dynasty by the dispensation of Providence, than that which devolved upon the house of Hapsburg-Lorraine. It would have sufficed to do nothing that could impede the development of the country. Had this been the rule observed Hungary would now rank among the most prosperous nations. It was only necessary that it should not envy the Hungarians the moderate share of constitution liberty which they timidly maintained during the difficulties of a thousand years with rare fidelity to their sovereigns, and the house of Hapsburg might long have counted this nation among the most faithful adherents of the throne.

This dynasty, however, which can at no epoch point to a ruler who based his power on the freedom of the people, adopted a course toward this nation from father to son, which deserves the appellation of perjury.


Now that's some good stuff. I quite like the "youthful strength within its veins". It's a shame we're in a bit of a lull when it comes to nation/state creation these days. We're rusty on the old Declarations of this and Anthems of that.

Nevertheless, I do have proposed "evergreen" lyrics for a national anthem that I offer, no copyright/no royalties required, to any new nation/states popping up anytime soon.

Ode To A Pretty Darn Great Geographic Conurbation and/or Idyllic Contiguity

O (insert country name here),
We might not be the greatest,
but we're doing the best we can .
We might not be the strongest,
but don't mess with us, really.

Because if you do, we have
alot of youthful strength within our veins,
maybe no more than any other,
but certainly enough to cause
problems, and you don't want that.

O (insert country name here)
you're really peachy keen and all that.
O (insert country name here)
we stand on guard for thee,
in a manner of speaking.

Of course, like any reputable national anthem, it would have another nine or ten stanzas that nobody ever sings or even remembers with lines like:

Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.

Which is in the U.S. Anthem. Really.

Happy rocket's red glare, everybody.

I Pledge That I Do Not Want PED Sec. Veronica Garcia's Job

I was out of town when the news broke, and have been trying to do a bit of catch-up regarding the proposed change codifying the position that no NM public school student will be forced to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

I wrote a little something about the Pledge in practice this past school year...let me rummage around and find that...oh yeah, here it is.

But getting back to the proposed change, I made the car crash rubber-necking decision this morning to check out some online comments to media stories about it. I know, I know...online comments might just be the greatest single sign that the term "human evolution " is an oxymoron.

Still...can you imagine the crap NM Public Education Secretary Veronica Garcia and staff are wading through right now on this issue? It would take more than a haz mat suit and kevlar vest for me to even glance at the "official comments" sent to Garcia. Yet, here I am painfully looking at the loony prose thrown at the story in Farmington, Las Cruces/El Paso, and Albuquerque via "Topix".

Tough job, man. Tough.

P.S.: I see from the press release that the written comments (emails included! yikes...) are actually going to a Mary Deets, general counsel for the PED. I propose Ms. Deets be immediately given a $100,000 raise, and a fresh NM email address.
MaryH.Deets@state.nm.us has got to be a Superfund site by now.

Other Possible Names for South Valley City

An example of Vietnamese Phở and German beer
not available at restaurants in the proposed city

"Officials announced a few hours ago that Valle de Atrisco has been chosen as the name for the proposed incorporated South Valley.

The name was the most popular choice among several that residents voted on during a "Name That Town" campaign conducted during the past month or so, State Rep. Miguel Garcia tells ABQJournal.com."
--ABQJournal.com (the free part of the site with newsy updates). 6.30.09

This is one of those times where I wish Burque Babble had 14 million readers and we could have a fun little snarky "contest" with hundreds of folks submitting silly, funny, tacky, almost cruel but certainly not cruel names instead of the unbelievably lame "Valle de Atrisco" moniker.

Would that be fun or what? Almost as fun as envisioning a day in which I, a South Valley resident, would actually tell someone I lived in "Valle de Atrisco". Of all the things absolutely impossible to do without falling on the floor laughing, saying one lives in "Valle de Atrisco" out loud must be #1 or #2.

New Acquaintance: Hey, I just moved to Albuquerque, over in what I believe is called the Ridgecrest area. Where do you live?
Me: I live in Valle de Atrisco.
New Acquaintance: Whoa. Did you just have a sudden heart attack? Why did you collapse to the ground?
Me: (uncontrollable laughter to the point that drool oozes from my hysterically laughing mouth)
New Acquaintance: Man, do we need to get a doctor? You're turning blue.

And here is the end of this post, the place where hundreds of commenters would post bitingly insightful, and not altogether politically sensitive names. Oh well, we're a few million readers short for that sort of thing here.

But I'll give us a start anyway....

Proposed Names for Proposed Incorporated City in Albuquerque's South Valley

1. Nobless Hilless
2. North Los Lunas
3. Mannywood
4. Valle de Graffiti
5. The Land Thai and Vietnamese Food Forgot (I know, tough to write on an envelope)
   
6. Zoningwhatzoningville
7. Pheasantville (we have lots of 'em here..plus you got that whole "Pleasantville" thing)
8. Los UnRanchos
   
9. Anachronism Village
10. South Barelas
11. Junkyard Heights
12. Pie Town (yes, I know this involves the need to buy the name from the existing Pie Town, but a great name like this is worth it)
13. Compton (again, stolen, but I think this name encapsulates the look/vibe I get when I mention to long-time Albuquerque residents that I live in the South Valley)
14. South Valley
15. Burque del Sur (only because this was be as laugh out loud funny to say as "Valle de Atrisco")

Alright, that's enough. Hundreds of additional entries from our millions of readers, of course, encouraged.

P.S.: Speaking of stealing tidbits from ABQJournal.com, did anyone else notice the rather strange second-hand opinion newstoid piece regarding some advocacy group's report on health insurance coverage in Albuquerque? In its attempt to be more "blog-like", I guess the hipster Journal types (and there's three words you never thought you'd see together) are "blogging" reactions/opinions of fellow reporters, using their cubicle neighbors as "experts" and passing this off as something between news, editorial and a three martini lunch bullshit session.

Weird. I can hardly wait for the next time this journalistic strategy is employed: "...and another thing, this Goddamn Obama and that son-of-a-bitch Education Secretary what's his name. You know, that guy...anyway, let me tell you what those sons-of-bitches are trying to pull with this so-called "education reform"! But before I tell ya, buy me another martini will ya? Just one, just one more. You can write that story after just one more stinking martini, can't ya?"

Delicious Cherry-Picking of NCLB Reauthorization Rumors:

Write something I want to hear, and you're my new favorite blog. Example: "Eduflack".

But Eduflack is starting to hear a different story with regard to reauthorization. It is a major priority for the EdSec and his senior staff. So much so that the current plan is to make ESEA reauthorization a Capitol Hill priority this fall, with hopes of signing the new law into the official record in the early part of 2010. So we are facing a possibility of 2009 reauthorization after all. The game is back on.

Yum.

You pull up the chairs to watch, I'll provide some cherries (much preferred to popcorn, myself):

Idle Thoughts While Idly Bike Touring: Cycling In ABQ

You're on a bicycle for 6-8 hours a day, five or six days at a stretch. What do you think about? For me, it went like this (in order of frequency):

1. Get song "Poker Face" by Lady GaGa out of my head. Unfortunately, this took much of my time, as the song was everywhere. Local radio station blaring during Youth Hostel breakfast: "Poker Face". Stop for sugar/butter-infused breakfast stop at backerai: "Poker Face". Watching MTV to see how U.S. culture is portrayed overseas: You got it. A few years back I spent some time in Oaxaca. That was the summer of "Dame Mas Gasolina" by Daddy Yankee. It was everywhere, loud and repetitive, and I mean everywhere. Well, "Poker Face" was this summer's "Dame Mas Gasolina". So a goodly portion of every riding day was spent trying to replace the disturbing "Poker Face" with other tunes. To this end I tried everything from Badfinger to Frank Zappa to "Dame Mas Gasolina". I was only partially successful.
2. Getting lost, finding out how lost I was, scheming ways to get unlost, trying these ways, shampoo, rinse, repeat. Having either inadequate maps or no map at all, I spent an almost "Poker Face" level of time looking for route signs. This included many, many times in which I (and sometimes other tourers) would stare at signs and little arrows before multitudinous road/bike lane choices and go in circles contemplating the intention of the route/sign designers. It was interesting to get into the heads of those making the route, and I noticed that some routes seemed more logical than others. Kinda like figuring out the mojo of someone designing a multiple choice test.
3. What form of pastry will Scot eat when he stops next? This was, by far, the most fun contemplation I had.
4. "Has something fallen off the back (panniers, bags, lock, etc.)?"
   
5. "Are my tires going flat? Have they gone flat? Was that glass I just ran over?"
6. How Scot will change the world. This may just be me, but spending 8 hours a day on a bicycle can be a pretty self-centered, megalomanic experience. I'd see one of the millions of wind energy turbines in Germany and that would invariably lead to an hour of postulation about how to solve all world energy problems. Riding by a school (they were still in-session) meant thirty minutes of either "Poker Face" or an internal debate about No Child Left Behind.

The good thing was that I had too much time to mentally tackle "Poker Face" and pastries to get really bogged down in grand unification plans to solve all the world's problems. Still, since I was on a bicycle and all, I did quite a bit of thinking about bikes and Burque, and how we could make the ABQ riding experience more like the German one. Or at least 1% more like the German experience.

Here's a couple of the the bike ideas that ran around my head:

• The Silver Bike Boulevard idea was a mistake. I'm all for Bike ABQ and bicycle advocacy in general. But I tend to think of the cycling community as similar to other "minorities" such as the Gay/Lesbian/B/T set. Creating a bike-centered street at Silver seems to me kinda like manufacturing a part of town for gay people to live on. Instead of focusing major money/effort on turning one street into an uber-bike friendly one, I'd like to see more effort put on making EVERY street/road/highway more bike-friendly. Besides, the Silver Bike Boulevard creates a galvanizing symbol for all "cagers" to foment their rage and hatred of cyclists. Not to mention the simple fact that the 18 mph speed limit ain't gonna work (as evidenced by the guy in a Lexus who zoom In sum, I've come (with some bike touring reverie help) to the position that we cyclists need to follow the GLBT maxim of "We're Here, We're Queer, Deal With It". For instance, I'm taking the lined bike lanes on Lead and Coal instead of the ill-conceived "bike heaven" of Silver from now on. I want, as safely as possible, to be in the traffic, to be part of the normal transportation stream, instead of parading through an isolated, one-shot attempt at a cycling Disneyland.
  
• We should really change the annual "Take Your Bike To Work Day" to "Take Your Bike To Work Once Per Week". Having a once-a-year "event" is as emptily symbolic as "Black History Month". Knowing more about the African-American experience shouldn't be shunted into a "month", and the idea of bike commuting shouldn't wait for a special day. Turning the emphasis from a Bike Commuting Christmas to a "Casual Friday" will mean fewer participants, but the depth of understanding created by getting some more folks to ride just one day per week as often as possible would do far more to promote the idea of bike commuting and the advantages/needs of this activity.

Almost certainly the world would be better helped if I had merely spent more time trying to get "Poker Face" out of my mind instead of rolling around ideas such as those above. Nevertheless, they and others spun out as I spun along, and they stick with me in these days following the end of the tour.

It will be interesting to see how many more days will go by before I forget all this "change the world" stuff and subside into the typical summer languor we teachers for which we teachers are so notable. Chances are it won't be long.

I'm Back, Testing...Testing...Is This Thing On?

Dateline: Albuquerque, New Mexico USA

A month in Germany and I'm still typing z instead of y and vice-versa this earlz, earlz 3:30 in the New Mexico morning.

But I'm back and want to thank those who in some way (so many uses of the letter Y in English) followed along during my bike trip. I also want to some day start getting back into an online discussion of K-12 education issues, but that day will not be today.

Damn, this Y thing is murder.

Anyway, I hope to get back in the "blogging" swing of things, in particular a highly coordinated Internet-led attack leading to a huge revamping of No Child Left Behind in its Version 2.0 and all that. But before creating a manifesto on "What Is To Be Done", I need to do some very, very stinky laundry. And alot of other re-entering the day-to-day normal atmosphere sort of things.

But first, I gotta go to the Heidibrot Backstube and get a kaseschinkenbrotchen, followed up by a trip to the obst store for some morning cherries. What?!? No backerai just down the street here in the South Valley? No friendly down the street fruit/veggie bodega? No kaseschinkenbrotchen?

This is gonna take some adjusting.

One More Jiggle of The School Handle Before We Go

We began 9,000,000 years ago, in August 2008. A time before the "Great Recession", Barack Obama as President and Twitter. A time of blogposting about our newfangled APS Superintendent Winston Brooks. A time in which the name "Michael Phelps" meant only Olympic idolatry, instead of cheesy commercial endorsements and bong hits.

It was the beginning of School Year 2008-2009. As crooned by that immortal singer of down by the school yard song, Paul Simon, "time it was, and what a time it was, it was". Whatever the Hell that means.

Still, for your humble blogger, and for the school in which your humble blogger professionally toils, it was, truly, a time of innocence. A time of confidences. For mid-August 2008 was just before both our school secretaries retired. Both innocence and confidence went down the toilet immediately thereafter, remaining at the bottom of the toilet like some...okay, it's too early in the morning for further visual imagery in this regard.

Still, from our position deep within the bowels of the toilet bowl, my staff and I plunged forth through a school year swirling with foul debris, spinning in a veritable miasmic whirlpool of unsanitary effluvia.

Okay, I promise to stop now.

And now it's May, 2009, and we're all a little bit wiser, a lit bit older, and far more smelly and crap-covered. In fact, it might take a while for, as that mohawked, firearm wielding movie character Travis Bickle said, "a real rain to wash all the scum off". About 85 days of rain, perhaps.

And that's good, because that's about the length of this year's Summer Vacation, give or take a day or two. Waking up this last day of school morning, 2009, those 85 days ahead appear as the single greatest mental shower in history. A psycho-shower (ha, ha) of "Silkwood" intensity. A purging unsurpassed by any possible combination of water, soap and therapy sessions.

A real rain.

But for a few more hours we're still down here in the bowl. In fact, my little Special Education Department has a Department meeting on this, the last morning of the school year. That can never be good. Having a Special Ed. meeting the last day of school is like Richard Dawkins asking for feedback on atheism and evolution at a snake handling church service in Tennessee. That's not good.

But it will soon be good. Very, very good. Congratulations to all the students, teachers and such for surviving another long, beautifully putrid swish in the bowl. While the kids go crazy and try to sing the immortal lyrics of that song by the former fake-devil worshiper now golf-obsessed singer Alice "School's been blown to......pie....ces" Cooper, try to remember how that combination of facial muscles works that results in a smile.

It's been a while. About 9,000,000 years.

Have a great three, or 85, day weekend everybody.

P.S.: As noted earlier this week, I'm posting my upcoming bike tour at Crazy Guy on a Bike. I'm taking a hiatus here at Babble for a month or so, and those few, few readers out there who give a darn can find my posting through late June at CGOAB. Stay vertical.