And If You Give Me... Weed, Whites and a Cell-Phone

It often irks me that our elected officials have to spend way too much time deliberating restrictions on the stupidity of our citizenry. The latest case in Burque is the City Council debate over whether to ban driving while talking on a cell phone. Why do we need a City Council to tell us how stupid this is? Are we so out of touch with ethical right and wrong at this point that we need the government to tell us that being distracted while driving is stupidly dangerous?

Just as importantly, who could possibly think that their phone conversation is interesting/important enough to happen while driving a car? I've used the phone, used it pretty much all my life from time to time. I've had lots of phone conversations. After thinking about it for a while, I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of phone conversations I've had in 40 or so years of phone use that were vitally interesting/important enough to warrant having them while driving a car.

Besides, what do we need phones and cell phones for? We have email. We have Instant Messaging for those too impatient to wait for an email reply. Phones and especially cell phones are for people far too much in love with the sound of their own voice, and the mistaken impression that what they and their friends say is even remotely interesting.

So, because of cell phone addicts and their Darwin Award-eligible antics on the roadways, the City Council has to debate an ordinance which might lead to our overworked law enforcement officials having one more thing to enforce that should be patently unnecessary to enforce.

Speaking of the legal side, the linked Trib story has varied views on how enforceable a cell phone ban would be. Enforcing such an ordinance would certainly be tough. One solution might be to have fellow citizens help identify cell phone using drivers by designating offender's vehicles as that of a violator.

Toward this end, Burque Babble presents, as a public service, slogans for a new series of bumper stickers. These stickers (designed with special non-removable adhesives) could be affixed upon the car of the offender either at a traffic stop or parking lot, or with the use of specially-designed retractable devices that could be implemented from moving car to moving car, ala those jet plane refueling nozzles you see during the credits for "Dr. Strangelove..." And now, Babble's suggested slogans for a bumper sticker enforcement campaign regarding cell phone violators:

• Occupant Is Having Incredibly Boring Conversation, You Can Bet On It
• Yes It Is Remarkable That Someone This Ugly Has Anybody To Talk To On the Phone
• Brain Cancer Isn't Penalty Enough For This Loser
• "Okay Honey, That's Milk, Bread and ....Oh My God I'm Running Into a Semi!" Click...
• Darwin Award Winner In-Training

Please feel free to add your own bumper sticker slogan in the comments below...