Thursday, May 14, 2009

Bike To Work Today Or Feel Horrible About Yourself Forever

The "Day" concept (Mother's, Father's, Secretary's, Take Your Daughter to Work, Talk Like A Pirate, Pork Sausage Processor's) has certainly gotten out of hand. And yes, I made "Pork Sausage Processor's" up. But you get my point...there's a "Day" for just about everything, thus cheapening the meaning of each "Day", not to mention the grating irritation of being told to thank or observe something due via some contrivance of peer pressure.

All true, but....

Friday, May 15th is "Bike to Work Day" and don't you forget it!
  • Commence righteous peer pressure!
  • Recite the list of reasons why biking to work is good and driving your stupid car to work is beyond evil!
  • Repeat the list mantra-style similar to Nam Myōhō Renge Kyō...while biking to work Friday!
  • Kill your metal death machine, "cager", and ride free like the wild wind you are!
  • Do it or face the eternal scorn of those riding their bikes to work Friday!
  • Packets of eternal scorn will be available for purchase at several "Ride Your Bike To Work" sites around town Friday!
  • Collect enough scorn to torment all your friends!
  • Collect enough to ensure they will become ex-friends! Metal death machine propelled ex-friends!
  • Remember: Meat = Murder, Cars = Death, Bikes = Unicorns jumping over rainbows!
Sorry, marketing was never one of my strengths.

So instead of the hard-sell, I'll just humbly suggest you give a thought to biking to work Friday. If you do, you might like it. If everyone does, Albuquerque would, for one day, look kinda like Amsterdam, or Hanoi pre-2000. Maybe people would start wearing pointy rice hats and a line of hash bars would open along Lomas. Incredible things might happen.

But those highly unlikely things are even more highly unlikely to happen unless you ride your bike to work tomorrow. Damn. I don't seem to be very good at this sort of thing. One more try....

Ride your bike to work Friday. Or don't. See if I care. If you do, though, and I pass you on the road I'll give you a special dorky bell ring from my dorky bike bell. Just be sure to say "Hey Scot, I'm only riding to work today because you told me to in your pitiful little blog" really, really fast as we pass each other. I promise I'll make it an especially loud, especially dorky ring. Just for you.


P.S.: I am almost ashamed to admit it, but I spent at least ten minutes searching for a "Pork Sausage Processor's Day", and couldn't find anything. Not even a "Meat Processor's Day" or "Slaughterhouse Worker's Day". That's just not right. So I'm declaring the day after Bike To Work Day as "Sausage Processor's Day". May 16th...mark your calendars, and remember to let the pork sausage processor in your life know that you appreciate how they make your life just a little bit better.

I even have a little Hallmark card idea. On the front it says: "Dear Pork Sausage Processor: I appreciate you THIS much" and right after the word "much" a giant chain of linked sausages runs in a close looping pattern (kinda like the Homeland Security lines at the airport) down the first page of the card, and through the second page, and the third page...and most of the fourth page...but on the end of this long chain there is a sausage connected to a pig's tail and a pig at the very end of the card, and the pig says "Thanks, Pork Sausage Processor for making me taste SOOOOOOO good!"

Happy Bike To Work Day, Happy Pork Sausage Processor's Day, and have a great rest of the weekend everybody.

1 comment:

Abuelita2 said...

Dang!! You DID succeed in making me feel guilty! I've been "meaning to" ride my bike more (heck, just ride my bike!), but there's always some REASON not to. As, I don't want to.
Family has been trying to get me to bike for years. My sister even gave me her "old" bike so I would get started. (She, 68, and her husband, bike and hike all over Arizona all the time (almost literally)), and of course she's slim and healthy. But, here I am, with my mountains of school papers and my back and forth laptop, and I say I have too much stuff to take back and forth. I am chastised. Thank you.