Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Other Possible Names for South Valley City

An example of Vietnamese Phở and German beer
not available at restaurants in the proposed city

"Officials announced a few hours ago that Valle de Atrisco has been chosen as the name for the proposed incorporated South Valley.

The name was the most popular choice among several that residents voted on during a "Name That Town" campaign conducted during the past month or so, State Rep. Miguel Garcia tells ABQJournal.com."
--ABQJournal.com (the free part of the site with newsy updates). 6.30.09
This is one of those times where I wish Burque Babble had 14 million readers and we could have a fun little snarky "contest" with hundreds of folks submitting silly, funny, tacky, almost cruel but certainly not cruel names instead of the unbelievably lame "Valle de Atrisco" moniker.

Would that be fun or what? Almost as fun as envisioning a day in which I, a South Valley resident, would actually tell someone I lived in "Valle de Atrisco". Of all the things absolutely impossible to do without falling on the floor laughing, saying one lives in "Valle de Atrisco" out loud must be #1 or #2.

New Acquaintance: Hey, I just moved to Albuquerque, over in what I believe is called the Ridgecrest area. Where do you live?
Me: I live in Valle de Atrisco.
New Acquaintance: Whoa. Did you just have a sudden heart attack? Why did you collapse to the ground?
Me: (uncontrollable laughter to the point that drool oozes from my hysterically laughing mouth)
New Acquaintance: Man, do we need to get a doctor? You're turning blue.

And here is the end of this post, the place where hundreds of commenters would post bitingly insightful, and not altogether politically sensitive names. Oh well, we're a few million readers short for that sort of thing here.

But I'll give us a start anyway....

Proposed Names for Proposed Incorporated City in Albuquerque's South Valley
  1. Nobless Hilless
  2. North Los Lunas
  3. Mannywood
  4. Valle de Graffiti
  5. The Land Thai and Vietnamese Food Forgot (I know, tough to write on an envelope)
  6. Zoningwhatzoningville
  7. Pheasantville (we have lots of 'em here..plus you got that whole "Pleasantville" thing)
  8. Los UnRanchos
  9. Anachronism Village
  10. South Barelas
  11. Junkyard Heights
  12. Pie Town (yes, I know this involves the need to buy the name from the existing Pie Town, but a great name like this is worth it)
  13. Compton (again, stolen, but I think this name encapsulates the look/vibe I get when I mention to long-time Albuquerque residents that I live in the South Valley)
  14. South Valley
  15. Burque del Sur (only because this was be as laugh out loud funny to say as "Valle de Atrisco")
Alright, that's enough. Hundreds of additional entries from our millions of readers, of course, encouraged.

P.S.: Speaking of stealing tidbits from ABQJournal.com, did anyone else notice the rather strange second-hand opinion newstoid piece regarding some advocacy group's report on health insurance coverage in Albuquerque? In its attempt to be more "blog-like", I guess the hipster Journal types (and there's three words you never thought you'd see together) are "blogging" reactions/opinions of fellow reporters, using their cubicle neighbors as "experts" and passing this off as something between news, editorial and a three martini lunch bullshit session.

Weird. I can hardly wait for the next time this journalistic strategy is employed: "...and another thing, this Goddamn Obama and that son-of-a-bitch Education Secretary what's his name. You know, that guy...anyway, let me tell you what those sons-of-bitches are trying to pull with this so-called "education reform"! But before I tell ya, buy me another martini will ya? Just one, just one more. You can write that story after just one more stinking martini, can't ya?"


NMK said...

Hilarious. My only contribution is comparatively weak — Put Up Your Dukes City.

Elise said...

How about Valle del ... hm, wait, what's Spanish for "gunfire?"

Anonymous said...

Villa del primos

Anonymous said...

Cuidad de Miguel

Can't leave my name. I'm too vulnerable. Sorry, I'm a coward with an opinion.

leila said...

lol-- you must be the guy that submitted 'Compton' via email.
The advisory group took your suggestion under consideration. :)

jscotkey said...


Nope, it wasn't me. To be honest, announcement of the winning name, etc. was the first I'd heard of this particular effort for SV incorporation.

I hate it when someone beats me to something...

leila said...

It's been in the Journal, Alibi, newmexicoindependent.com, etc. for at least a year or two now. The key word is incorporate (become a city/town/municipal gov't).

If you're interested, you're certainly welcome to voice opinions/concerns etc. and I'd be happy to answer questions- leila.salim at gmail. There's also southvalleyinc.info, if you don't mind its appearance (i'm getting around to it..)

jscotkey said...

Leila: Sorry, I misspoke. I have noticed references to the idea of SV incorporation in recent years, but haven't really paid any attention to them.

I must admit a big reason for this is that I find it a silly idea.

But that's just me. As for the proposed name, "Valle de Atrisco" goes a fair piece beyond silly, imho.

marjorie said...

why do you find it silly?

jscotkey said...


Sorry, I've been remiss in answering the silly question. Here are a few reasons I think it's silly.

1. It is based on the mistaken belief that another layer of government is necessarily needed to have more responsive government.
2. For example, in my view, Los Ranchos is a silly place in which a glorified neighborhood association wields strange, convoluted power while relying on ABQ for almost everything.
3. The South Valley is not a good candidate for anything requiring organization. It is the least organized mess of a neighborhood I've yet lived in.
4. Given #3, I wouldn't entrust a SV government to do anything. I'd even trust them less than I do Bernalillo County government. And that's saying something.
5. The name of Valle de Atrisco is pretentious, divisive and is emblematic of the misguided notions of the proposed city's proponents.

There's more, but I'll just leave it at that. I know those of us in the SV have reason to dislike BernCo, but forming a new city isn't the solution to the problem and the SV forming a new city would be an invitation to myriad new problems.

Anonymous said...

Its hard to say what will make it prosper down here, but perpetuating the stereotype, certainly does not make things better. I am an advocate of minimal government, but on that same token I believe that Albuquerque is a bureaucratic mess like most other places. Perhaps this is an opportunity to for once make a positive change down here? Some points laid out for incorporation can be found here:www.southvalleyinc.info/.../Incorporation_brochure_1_color.pdf. Now, once again I DO NOT know where I stand on this issue because I must learn more. But why use your blog to make fun of the name? Of all the relevant topics about incorporating you could be elaborating on...I'm glad you don't have 14 million followers of your blog. Have you any knowledge of the history of the south valley? Atrisco was the first community established by the settlers in the Rio Arriba area of the Rio Grande valley. And it IS the entire south valley are as you know it( though probably not anywhere near as west as the Rio Puerco, as proposed). The name to me, is not alienating anyone. Frivolity aside, I know that I would love nothing more than the area I have lived my entire life to be a safe, prosperous, identifiable community. So long as we don't because a landfill turned subdivision such as Rio Rancho, which literally provides nothing in return for it's water consumption.

For the time being, i will remain anonymous.

p.s., it's no wonder we have neither vietnamese pho, nor german beer. It's not smart business. It's the same reason we DO have so many wonderful Mexican and New Mexican restaurants; demographics of an area make up demand.

Anonymous said...


The south valley receives no respect.
It is the most beautiful area in the area.

Your SITE Babble is appropriate.

loser contributor on this site. talk about the issues, life is no joke. crime occurs in the heights and dump the bodies and trash in the southvalley. ABQ stay away . who cares what ABQ thinks-

jscotkey said...

Christmas Eve Anon: Thanks for posting. And for taking time to do so in such a cantankerous manner. If we can't cantank on Dec. 24, when can we?

Meanwhile, I just want to respond to your "life is no joke.." comment. I simply cannot disagree strongly enough. The best evidence that it is all one big joke is how seriously it is treated by most of us. Or all of us on our bad days.

Happy season and all that.