Monday, October 12, 2009

PED Test Score & Graduation Rates: Certified For Your Protection

In an obvious, and unintentionally hilarious, effort to make itself look more official, the New Mexico Public Education Department (PED) has gone to using little "CERTIFIED" stickers on its test score and graduation reports. The little symbol looks like this:

I can't tell you how much better this makes me feel about the numbers coming from PED. I was worried about trusting any statistics from that outfit, especially after the earlier graduation rate report fiasco. But now that I think about it, those earlier numbers didn't have the little

and without that, how can you trust anything?

Besides, the symbol itself looks so darn official! It's like a tag on a pillow or something. Very official looking. Obviously big bucks were spent on that graphic. Not only does it say "CERTIFIED", but it has two circles, like it's a USDA Choice sticker or something, and the little red circles are made with a branding iron on a big bloody piece of marbled meat. I'd trust anything marked with such an official-looking, high-priced quality graphic like that.

It's like the Union Label, that "NFL" stamped on footballs and the Presidential Seal all rolled up in one little
All other counters of test scores and graduation rates (and yes, I'm talking to you Albuquerque Public Schools and Albuquerque Journal) must be quaking in their statistical boots when faced with the holy symbolic imprimatur coming from

for there is no possible objection to any number, chart, table or graph whenever it appears. One can only wish they had such a powerful graphic at their disposal. I can only hope Burque Babble one day, maybe years and years and years from now, will be recipient of anything close to the power of such graphically seismic "CERTIFIED" status. It is a truly an earthquake of pixelated (and you must admit it's a bit overly pixelated and fuzzy, really, when you look at it) grandiosity.

Really fuzzy now that you mention it.

Oh wait, I just found out where they got it. You mean ANYBODY can get such a powerfully official-looking graphic? You mean I can just go here, make up anything I want and then suggest it's


by just cropping out the little gray stuff at the bottom of the graphic? Wow! If that's the case, Burque Babble would like to OFFICIALLY CERTIFY the following facts:
  • Everyone who disagrees with me about anything is officially wrong;
  • The Sun officially revolves around the Earth;
  • The War of 1812 was officially fought in 1894;
  • Kanye West is officially buried in Grant's Tomb;
  • 5 - (x +2) = who cares, because algebra is officially stupid.
Anything else you want officially "certified"? This "certifying" is kinda fun.

2 comments:

SydTheSkeptic said...

I hereby certify this blog as hilarious.

(c'mon, you knew it was comin')

Abuelita2 said...

Aahh. Thank you. For chirping up my bedraggled bureaucratized work day!