Excelsior Quote of the 24-Hour Period®

New Mexiken has his "Best Line of the Day", and it and every New Mexiken post is a worthy read. But right this second New Mexiken seems to be down, so I'm informally filling in...

“I guess Rush Limbaugh was busy, so they trotted out the next most popular member of the Republican cabal.”--White House Press Spokesperson Robert Gibbs on ex-Vice President Dick Cheney

Now that's some comedy right there. I can't even think about what Gibbs said without smiling. Plus, "cabal" is such a cool word. I suggest when times get tough today (and they most probably will) that everyone think back to this line. I know I will. Food tastes better and the air is sweeter immediately after repeating the line above. Honest.

Meanwhile, New Mexiken better come back soon. "Excelsior Quote of the 24-Hour Period®" just ain't cuttin' it. Registered Trademark or not.

P.S.: Oops. Looks like NewMexiKen isn't coming back. At least for a while. Thanks for the 15,000 posts, sir. You'll be missed.

A Question For Schoolteachers: What's the Opposite of the "Doomsday Clock"?

After a certain point of jousting everything one sees as wrong and improvable in a teaching year, one has to put down the lance and recover from the battle axe blows and such.

Humans adapt to the environment better than we realize. Given the relatively ridiculous amount of vacation time teachers get, we as teaching humans merely pack in all the mental damage of a 50 week working year into 36 weeks.

The long haul (again, relatively speaking) between the beginning of Spring Semester and Spring Break is an excellent example of both the mental damage and the need to recover. At least for one humble blogging teacher guy I know.

In other words, we gotta get out of this place. Like now.

We'll make it through the next five days before Spring Break starts, but only with a limp and our chain mail dragging along the classroom floor. Guided by the North Star that is the clock, we'll count down the approximately 378,000 seconds until Friday at 3:05 p.m., then sprint out to the parking lots as fast as our bedraggled, vocationally wracked bodies allow. We'll collapse into our cars (or bicycles in some cases), shudder a bit as we shake off the mortal District coil of the last 10 or 11 weeks and sigh in blessed exhaustion.

In less than 378,000 seconds now.

P.S.: Speaking of obsessive number counting, those keeping score at home will note that your humble blogger is going for a five-for-five this week: riding into work every day. That blasted time change messed up my mornings last week (that and an incessant parade of IEPs), but sunrise should be early enough now to ride up Isleta Blvd. with at least a fighting chance of being seen (i.e., staying alive). Meanwhile those who track the disparity between outrageous claims like "I'm going five-for-five this week" will want to stick around to laugh at your humble blogger when he reports on Friday that "things came up" and was unable/unwilling to cycle more than once or twice.

P.P.S.: Well under 378,000 seconds now, closing in on 377,000.

All APS Cupcakes Will Have The Same Number of Sprinkles

A day or so ago, APS Superintendent Winston Brooks released the results of work by a "Budget Transition Team" designed to make schools more equitable across the District. As the Press Release states:

Under the new budget plan, school staffing across the district will be more equitable. Every elementary school, for example, will now have money for at least a part-time librarian, music teacher, art teacher, PE teacher and counselor.

All middle schools will have money for at least one assistant principal, band and orchestra teachers, a librarian and the same number of counselors as this year.

All high schools will have funding for three assistant principals, band and orchestra teachers, a part-time athletic trainer, a full-time librarian and librarian assistant, three campus assistants, two JROTC instructors, an activities director and the same number of counselors as this year.

A few things stand out in the above.

First, there's the inclusion of JROTC instructors in the essentials listed above. Not being a high school teacher, I tend to forget all about "ROTC", and kinda wonder if making absolutely damn sure we have some folks on campus with fake guns walking in highly disciplined fashion between rows of classroom barracks is terribly necessary.

It also reminds me that my previous post about high schools improperly preparing students for the "trades" is all wrong. High schools have prepared students for one trade: joining the military. I could go on and on and on, but will just leave it at that.

Second, nowhere does it mention anything class size or teacher allocations. This is like buying a car and deciding on the basis of how shiny the tires are. It might be that the "Budget Transition Team" got into the much more nettlesome thicket that is teacher FTE and class size, but it's not mentioned in the Press Release. As a teacher, reading the Release is a series of "blah, blah, blah, JROTC, blah".

Having an equal number of assistant principals just doesn't matter that much to most of us (no offense to assistant principals). We love the mandates of band/orchestra teachers in the abstract, but most of us aren't band/orchestra teachers. It's "blah, blah, blah" because we want to know if any teaching jobs are moving around in this plan, and how big our class sized will now be because of this attention to equity.

Third, I noticed that West Side APS Board Member Robert Lucero is hopping mad about the equity, and has been quoted in the paper saying so (shocking!). The Journal, which obviously has Lucero not only on speed dial but also considers Lucero a Facebook "friend" and one of its five "faves" on its cell phone plan writes the following:

School board member Robert Lucero, whose West Side district includes some of the district's largest enrollments, said tiny schools like Garfield Middle will get the same funding for office staff as James Monroe Middle School, which has 1,600 students. Under the current system, larger schools get additional money for more custodians, assistant principals and other staff. "Overcrowded schools get the short end of the stick," Lucero said.

And you know what? Pigs must be flying and Hell must be down below 32 degrees Fahrenheit this morning , because I agree with Robert Lucero here. I just seriously cowered at my laptop writing the previous sentence, thinking a lightning bolt might very well come down from Zeus or something over this once-in-a-millennia occurrence. Me & Robert Lucero: together. Imagine that.

Anyway, the point is that "equity" is more complicated than just giving every school the same amount of counselors. James Monroe MS is about four times the size of Garfield MS. Again, the "Budget Transition Team" might have this discrepancy covered, but it's unclear from the Release.

Fourth, I can't help but notice "Instructional Coaches" in the list of essentials, and can't help but write that I'm afraid "Instructional Coaches" have been turned into "No Child Left Behind (NCLB) Nazis" because of the mania over standardized testing. I've written before on my own lack of understanding when it comes to what Instructional Coaches were designed to do originally, but I feel more confident in saying the position has certainly become HIGHLY intertwined with the Almighty Test Scores now.

Personally, I'm opposed to anything that spends money on the, largely unfunded, mandate that has been NCLB. Whether designed that way or not, the Instructional Coach concept has been thrown into the caboose of the NCLB train. May that noisome train continue riding off the tracks and fall into a giant ravine soon. May its fall also be videotaped and sold as part of a "Death to NCLB" pay-per-view package. I'll pay $25 to see that. I'll pay $50.

P.S.: In the "obscure things that finally occurred to me" department, I had a discussion with a parent yesterday who was trying to get their child transferred to Sandia HS as a 9th grader next year. My school, in the heart of the Albuquerque High "district", has a veritable tsunami of students wanting to go to Sandia next year. We've wondered why, and the thought occured to me: "Is it because Sandia HS 'made scores' on last year's Standardized Tests and no other HS did? Do these folks know that Sandia only made scores because of some lame "safe harbor provision" and didn't really "pass" in the traditional sense?"

I know Sandia HS has been a popular transfer candidate for years, but this year's transfer "lottery" is shaping up to be particularly competitive. Speaking of pay-per-view, Sandia could probably sell the rights to its transfer lottery. I know some parents who would pay $25 to see that done live.

I Got Ya "Laboratory of Invention" Right Here

When a teacher has an early morning IEP doubleheader that might turn into a tripleheader, the last thing s/he wants to read are things like:

It is his first major speech devoted solely to education since taking office, but officials say he (President Obama) plans neither to detail any requirements to achieve his goals nor to change President No Child Left Behind program.

and...

Obama's economic includes a $5 billion incentive fund to reward states for, among other things, boosting the quality of standards and state tests -- much-needed money for some states.

not to mention...

Obama advisers say they will use the economic woes as a way to sell the country on his agenda.
--NYT. 3.10.09

Cause the tripleheader of quotes above sure appear to add up to More Bush Standardized Tests, Just More of 'Em (and Improved, Too!). A great way to greet the early IEPs lined up beyond the 5:45 a.m., Moon-lit horizon this morning. Inspiring stuff, especially the following:

Obama also planned to continue his support for charter schools, although officials call them ''laboratories of innovation.'' Educators' unions generally oppose charter schools because they divert tax dollars away from public schools, one spot where he splits with the traditionally Democratic Party-backing constituency.

Hey, I voted for the guy and all, but pretty much everything outlined in this education speech he is giving today is wrong, and headed toward marketing idiocy-land. What, folks don't like charter schools because they take money away from other public schools? Well Hell, let's just change the name of 'em! This after new Dept. of Education head Arne Duncan said the problem with No Child Left Behind wasn't the testing, it was the "branding".

We all, or just about all, want tougher education standards. But if the Obama Administration is going to sell higher standards by just slapping some new paint on the broken Bush Administration TEST-TEST-TEST!!!!!! wagon, and going around the country selling old, crappy Republic education ideas in new bottles labeled "great for economic woes!" I'm going to throw up.

So it looks like I'm going to be throwing up quite a bit. And throwing up right before yet another IEP meeting is never a good start to a morning where it ain't even light yet.

Have a nice day, everybody. Can I get a bucket?

In Which APS Has An "In Service" In One Hand and A Day Off In the Other

Considering it's a little after 6 a.m. on the day after DST starts (so it's really only a little after 5 a.m.), and a Monday morning to boot, one really can't be held responsible for things like syntax, grammar, spelling or making a bit of sense right now.

Which gets me to the dawdling District and it's "evolving" plan as to what to do with the "Snow Day" make up, currently scheduled for the day after Memorial Day (May 26th).

This District's "planning" in this regard is very funny for several unintentional reasons, including the simple fact it wouldn't have to decide anything if it would stop canceling school on days where the snow melts off the roads by 9:30 in the morning. But that's slush under the salted bridge, so let's move on to another unintentionally funny aspect here, the idea of using our last "In Service Day", April 24th, to replace the snow day, instead of having students show up for a final half-day following a three-day Memorial Weekend.

To snip the Journal story....

District officials are considering the April 24 teacher in-service day as a possible makeup day for classes.

Albuquerque Teachers Federation president Ellen Bernstein said she has asked the union representatives to survey employees about the proposal to use the in-service day. "I think it's going to have a varied reaction," Bernstein said. "I think some of those people I represent are going to be thinking that's a good idea, and some of the people are going to say 'We planned our professional development.' "

Let's define the two groups identified in the "varied reaction" Ms. Bernstein quote above. The "good idea" people above can be defined as roughly every teacher in APS who has had nothing to do with desperately trying to fill up the April 24th "In Service" with educational mumbo-jumbo crap. This would account for approximately 99.3% of all APS teachers, ancillary staff, nurses, etc.

The "we planned our professional development" above constitute the .7% of poor, sweet bastards who actually have to find some educational mumbo-jumbo crap to fill up the April 24th "In Service".

Deciding between educational mumbo-jumbo is always difficult, but when you're called upon to provide "professional development" for surly, burnt-out April 24th of a long, long school year teachers who at this point would boo Santa Claus, heckle that guy who safely landed the plane in the Hudson River, and violently throw printed out PowerPoint presentations on "Alternative Assessments" back at even the nicest presenter, you've got a tough job. I'm sure hundreds of hours have been spent around the District by Principals, Instructional Coaches and other non-teachers planning for April 24th in meetings often started with the question: "What can we present that won't lead to our immediate lynching?"

So, in a way, I feel for that dumb, sweet bastard .7% crowd. Yes, teachers are always a tough crowd, and by Day 160 of a 180 Day school year we're worse than a super-drunk crowd of Philadelphia football fans when down 38-7 in the fourth quarter. But what makes matters worse is the apparent technical impossibility that these "In Service" days EVER be about something worth talking about. Right about now, for example, would be a great time to discuss the changes required by NCLB "Corrective Action". But will that be the subject of the April 24th "In Service"? Hell no.

It will be about "Differentiating Across the Writing Spectrum" or "Vertical Planning for Power Standards" or some such meaningless mumbo-jumbo that only serves to provide some bureaucrat in some remote APS Twin Tower office with data to throw into their dissertation, written so they can finally escape the APS Twin Towers and get a real job with a functional educational entity that isn't wracked with in-decision to the point where it is publicly wringing its hands trying to decide whether to use a day of Spring Break to make up for it's hastily called "Snow Day" when Spring Break is only two weeks away and everybody has already planned their week-long plus vacations for that week.

Hmmm...I seem to be waking up now. Thinking about the pitiful foibles of APS will do that I guess. That and a gallon of coffee pong. Let's be succinct in our final analysis here:

"In Services" are almost always stupid. Scheduling an In Service for Day 160 or so of a school year is beyond stupid. Any decision regarding "Snow Day 2008-2009" other than simply replacing the April 24th In Service with a school day would be stupid to the power of infinity.

I know, I know. If any organization can be stupid to the power of infinity, it's...well, let's just see what happens. I'm sure the District will decide quickly. At least eight hours before the day it decides to replace "Snow Day 2008-2009". At least.

Bike Chronicles: Has Anybody Done This On the Rail Runner Yet?

"A bicycle owner says she simply forgot she had brought her bike aboard the Bainbridge-bound ferry Wenatchee when she walked off without it late Wednesday afternoon."- Seattle Times. 3.6.09

The story goes on to say the Coast Guard undertook a four-hour search over 15 square miles of Elliott Bay looking for the possibly overboard bike owner. In retrospect, perhaps the fact the bike in question was a "red 10-speed Giant" instead of a poly-$K Cervelo or Merlin could have been a clue.

Meanwhile, John Fleck has an infrequent series called "Why We Ride"...why not steal the idea, dredge up some cheesy name and voila!: "Love Brokers"...uh... "Bike Chronicles"?!?

Okay, maybe a bad idea. This might be a one-off "bike chronicle" here, but we'll see. Come to think of it, maybe the "Why We Ride" thing isn't a series after all. Whatever...it's looking too windy to enjoy riding today, so let's just waste more time obsessing over bike tours at Crazy Guy on a Bike instead.

P.S.: Firmly in the "Too Much Information Department", my nose is still clogged with impacted dirt, dust, sand and very small rocks from my last commute. Just thought you'd like to know. Photos available upon request.

P.P.S.: And while we're at it, why not complete the logrolling loop by linking to the link that links backs to here. This cycletron (get it, "cycle" tron....?) of blogo-energy is like some sort of 'Net-based Cold Fusion, but will probably not help to dramatically reduce our need for fossil fuels or anything. Okay, I'll shut up now.

One More Parent Meeting Before I Go...With a Bike Story Chaser

I. Dear Parents of My Students:

I love ya. You are great parents and I've truly enjoyed meeting you during the last three days of parent/teacher conferences at my school. I've even enjoyed those with whom I've shared going over IEPs together, about five or six such meetings in the last week or so.

But I can't take it anymore. One more parent meeting and my meeting-addled brain will melt. One more look into my grade book to see what your son/daughter has right now and my eyes will bleed a flood of red pen red. One more slow head nod of understanding from me, and my head might just fall off.

It's being held onto my neck with staples and toothpicks now.

And today I have another IEP. And another one next Tuesday. And another next Wednesday. And I forgot to mention the IEP I'm helping something else out with later today as well.

Time for some more staples and toothpicks.


II. Riding Home Yesterday

The bike ride home yesterday was the funniest, if not funnest, bike ride I've had in ages. Fate and a "cold" front combined to have me trying to stay vertical as I rode directly into 50 mph winds. Frequent sandstorm squalls raked me, every tumbleweed created in the last twelve months rolled unpredictably around and through me, large plastic bags hovered and swirled like "War of the Worlds" spaceships just over my head.

I spent about ten minutes cleaning up debris from a fallen tree that completely blocked the river bike path. Once or twice I had to pedal as hard as I could just to keep the bike from falling over, as my speed was somewhere around 1.2 mph.

I came very close to being simply swept into a car waiting alongside me at the light at MLK and Broadway. My teeth were sandpaper by the time I got home, and my face a circle of pitted dark encircling the clean patch of where my sunglasses had been.

It was crazy. Damn it was funny. And I'd do it again in a second, especially if I can keep my brain from realizing that I had a better than half-decent chance of being killed by a giant hunk of flying sheet metal or large, wind-blown cow yesterday.

Oh, the exhilaration of silly, preventable near-death experiences. I will reminisce on them often this morning as I slowly nod my head through another IEP. I hope the staples hold.


Have a good weekend everybody.

A Defense of The Albuquerque Journal For Its Publishing Student Performance By Teacher/Classroom

In a brave step to better inform its readership, the Albuquerque Journal has this morning published standardized testing results by teacher classroom for all the elementary schools in APS. The Journal is to be commended for providing the key piece of information in determining whether a teacher is any good or not, her/his ability to perform academic magic in the 22 or so weeks academic weeks between first seeing a student and the standardized tests.

As every researcher, expert and blog commenter alike will tell you, this 22 week period (known throughout education as the "Magic 22 Weeks" is the single most important determiner of standardized test performance. Other factors such as:

• Socio-economic status
• Second language status
  
• Special Education status
• Family stability and parental involvement
  
• Student mobility from school to school
• Academic rigor in a student's previous school years
• Student performance in previous school years

pale when compared to the Magic 22 Weeks. The Magic 22 Weeks, everyone knows, is a veritable magic wand, erasing all preexisting conditions and illuminating one as to the quality/ability of an elementary school teacher to teach. One might compare it with other magical things, like the Warren Commission's "magic bullet theory" that helped solve nagging questions about who killed John F. Kennedy.

We're lucky to have a dogged organization like The Albuquerque Journal, one prepared to focus on the truly important when it comes to how our kids are doing in school. I, of course, refer to the essential listing of teachers names alongside Magic 22 Weeks scores. That way truly magical teachers can more easily be identified, and parents can simply request not only a "good" school but now a "good" teacher for their daughter/son. Those less "magical" teachers can be avoided, as it is quite obvious they are inferior in providing the vital 22 weeks of magic necessary for kids to do well.

Another added benefit of the Journal's bravery in posting teacher names is that everyone in town can now look at the list, find teachers they know (e.g., from having them as teachers as a child, or having dated them some years ago) and discover whether they are magically good teachers or not. In this way the data effectively works like one of those published lists of sexual predators or persons convicted of a DUI. Those teachers worthy of public shame can easily be identified and shunned from society.

Some might argue this is going overboard, and harkens back to the use of stocks and pillories, but these comparisons are invalid. They are invalid because we know just how important the Magic 22 Weeks are. It's not our fault these teachers cannot properly perform this magic! They are bad teachers and they must be publicly humiliated!

Bravo, Albuquerque Journal! You may receive a fair degree of condemnation by the misinformed and humiliated for your decision to publish this list. Please take it from this humble professional educator and even more humble blogger: you guys are performing what might be the greatest public service since the decline of tarring and feathering.

I say this for two reasons.

First, everything that's wrong with this country is centered on our stupid unwillingness to blame and properly punish the non-magical. For years now we've obsessed over "fully studying issues" and "seeing things from both sides" and look where that's gotten us! To Hell with milquetoast excuses about things like "socio-economic status"! We need to revert to the good, solid statistical thinking employed by those during our Colonial Period. Why look at the mathematical magic of the "3/5ths Compromise"! Our Founding Fathers would understand and promote the meaning of the Magic 22 Weeks, and demand that such a list of teachers be published.

Second, publishing such a list is exactly the sort of "old school" newspaper selling technique that both Ben Franklin and William Randolph Hearst would have applauded. In a dire time for print media, you at the Journal have bravely risen to a journalistic standard not seen since the glorious days of the Spanish/American War.

Put simply, inspiring work Albuquerque Journal. Bravo, Sirs and Madams, bravo!