Monday, July 23, 2007

It's Pandamania, Baby! Pandamania! (No, I'm Not a Fan of Puns, Either)

Man, we gotta get a panda. The solution to all of Burque's problems is a cute, cuddly, eucalyptus-chomping panda.

  • Gangs out of control? Get a panda and those g'bangers will be lining up (in an orderly manner) to glimpse the cutest darn thing this side of Shaanxi Province.
  • Downtown revitalization grinding to a halt? Tons of people will park downtown to walk the mile or two to see a beguilingly color-patterned caged animal bored out of its freakin' mind.
  • Transportation problems? No problem. Toss a panda into the Zoo mix, and nobody, I mean NOBODY, will be driving the Interstates or Paseo. They'll all be at the Zoo. And remember, the Zoo has that train! Transportation problems solved, baby!
  • Out-of-control urban sprawl? What are you talking about, "urban sprawl"? There's no "urban sprawl" here! Besides, the Zoo area is infill, and we're gonna infill it to the max with a new cute, cuddly-as-cuddly-can-get panda. So shut up about the "urban sprawl". Now. Just shut up.
  • Unruly City Councilors? Sick a bored, cuddly, but mean-ass giant panda on an eucalyptus-smeared Debbie O'Malley and crew and those veto overrides are over, pronto.

Imagine the Tingley Train hauling thousands upon thousands of
tourists (at speeds of up to three miles an hour)

Heck, I'd go to China just to get a panda. Wouldn't you? All this city needs to become great is a cutetastic panda, and an Arena Football League team. And guess what we'll call the team? You got it! That's right!

Q Pandas

I get chills. I'm telling ya, if we do this cute, cuddly panda thing right next thing you know we'll be able to turn the Rio Grande into a concrete riverwalk from Montano to Bridge, and have subdivisions going beyond the Rio Puerco. Big time, baby! Big time at last.

Bow to the Power of the Panda! Bow people, and pray, just pray Marty comes back someday with a cute-as-crap lovable giant panda cub in his arms. I can't wait to see the photo. It might even replace my current favorite Marty photo...

Albuquerque Journal, 11.13.03

2 comments:

Natalie said...

hahahaha!
PandaMoanium!

frannyzoo said...

Thanks Natalie...I just couldn't bring myself to make the pun. Puns....shudder......