29+ Days to a Better New Mexico

Congratulations New Mexico Legislators! With only a few hours until the final gavel for the session you've largely proven that the government-phobic NM Constitutional designers were successful: you pretty much haven't done jack caca in 29+ days (by the way, I think the "Jack Caca" has been named official New Mexico rodent this session).

That's not to say you haven't done anything. You've debated having a State Cowboy Song, including a listen to the proposed tune on the floor of the House. The Senate has done its share, discussing the vital issue of a State Cookbook. Both houses have spent hours and hours in floor sessions introducing guests, pages and assorted other catatonically bored young people on the floor and in the gallery, bored because you've spent hours introducing them. You've also invested serious time talking about webcasting upcoming Legislative sessions so 'Net junkies can watch catatonically bored young people get introduced.

Okay, that's a bit unfair. You have tackled some real "issues" in the last 29+ days. For instance, you rushed through vital legislation to deal with the rampant "cyber hunting" problem, despite the fact most Senators didn't know what it is. Don't worry, only about 5 NM citizens know what it is, too. But something's got to be done. Then, to give the ACLU something to do, you passed, actually passed, a bill authorizing mandatory DNA samples for those ARRESTED for a felony. Aw, gettin' arrested is pretty much the same as convicted, ain't it?

To be honest, what you've spent more time doing than anything is thinking up fascinating ways to divvy up the pork windfall. Looking at the now 156 page Capital Outlay Request list is testimony to what great leaders can do, if those great leaders have a big barrel of cash staring them in the face. Remember Senator Proxmire at the U.S. level some years back? He's the one that would list the stupidest pork legislation passed by the U.S. Congress and have a little humorous Razzies Awards Show press conference. Well if Senator Proxmire hadn't just passed away last December, he'd die laughing looking at the 156 page list.

And that's before we told him about how we're building a "space port" so rich folks can spend outrageous amounts of money going into space for an hour or so while looking down at just about the poorest state in the nation. Poor and getting legislatively poorer.

Natural Born Accidental Killers

News of the Vice-President accidentally shooting a hunting colleague reminds me how sick I am of...

this

and this

and this

and this ($$)

and all the other deaths caused by our society-wide obsession with guns. These days it's very uncool to even bring gun control up. Notice how nobody is doing so now, either nationally or in 'Burque. Guns and gun deaths are treated as nothing but unavoidable accidents, part of the price of the right to bear arms.

A story yesterday in the NY Times reports that cities around the country are noting dramatic spikes in murders over things like vital life-and-death stuff like soap dishes, cell phones and "looking at my girl the wrong way".

The story mentions that law enforcement officials cite loosening gun control laws as a factor in the increase.

I'm one of those weird leftists who doesn't trust the government much, only when it's apparent the average citizenry is too stupid to trust itself. It's crystal clear obvious that when it comes to guns folks are just plain stupid. That includes being too stupid to prevent teenagers and doddering old Vice-Presidents from having gun access.

Something needs to be done, regardless of how uncool and "old school" this sentiment sounds these days.

Drowning By Budget Numbers

I'm spending a few minutes this evening going through some particulars of the Bush Admin. 2007 proposed budget, while also contemplating today's NY Times story by James Glanz entitled "Iraq Utlities Are Falling Short of Prewar Performance" (reg. req.). I find the numbers numbing as usual, but also interesting.

First, large snippets from the article (sorry they are large snippets, but the whole article is chock full of assorted madness)...

_____
"Virtually every measure of the performance of Iraq's oil, electricity, water and sewerage sectors has fallen below preinvasion values even though $16 billion of American taxpayer money has already been disbursed in the Iraq reconstruction program, several government witnesses said at a Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing on Wednesday.

This downsizing of expectations was striking given that $30 billion American taxpayer money has already been dedicated to the task... Of that money, $23 billion has already been obligated to specific rebuilding contracts, and $16 billion of that amount has been disbursed.

... another $40 billion in Iraqi oil money and seized assets of Saddam Hussein regime was also made available for reconstruction and other tasks at one time or another. Last week, Robert J. Stein Jr., one of four former United States government officials in Iraq who have been arrested in a bribery and kickback scheme involving that money, pleaded guilty to federal charges.

Mr. Bowen (Stuart W. Bowen Jr., the special inspector general for Iraq reconstruction, an independent office) pointed out in his testimony that the news on reconstruction in Iraq is not all bad. Despite the recent financing and performance shortfalls, the rebuilding program now seems to be much less ridden by fraud, corruption and chaos than it was in the early days when people like Mr. Stein were in charge."

_______

Of course I suggest you read the entire article, especially if you want to experience the mental equivalent of slamming your head into a concrete wall repeatedly for several hours. Bewildering stuff. Stuff that is just about worth the use of horribly overused terms like "shocking" "unbelievable" and "Orwellian".

But watching Administration Budget Director Joshua Bolton on C-SPAN yesterday got me thinking about the Iraq story in a different way. What if we take the "$30 billion in American taxpayer money already dedicated to the task" of Iraq rebuilding and compare it with allocations for this and that in the Bush proposed budget?

For instance, that $30 billion equals over four times the proposed 2007 discretionary budget authority of the Environmental Protection Agency ($7.3 billion), is almost two times the 2006 NASA budget of $16.8 billion and just about equals the budgets of the federal Departments of Labor ($10.9 billion), Transportation ($13.2 billion) and the Interior ($10.1 billion) combined.

Hell, the $30 billion is every bit as large as our own "Homeland Security" Department, ($30.9 billion when you take the Defense overlap portion out of it).

Perhaps even more interesting is the fact that the requested cuts to non-DoD departments in the budget proposal equal $10.7 billion. That means the absolutely essential we gotta have it right this second belt-tightening in the budget could be avoided three times over if we just didn't have this $30 billion going to Iraq.

When faced with these numbers you don't have to be a "Don't Tread on Me" "Live Free or Die" whack-job Libertarian/Isolationist to ask the simple question: What the Hell is going on here? The President proposes cutting domestic programs pretty much across the board, while Iraq reconstruction gets $30 billion despite the fact that it hasn't worked for squat so far?

And we're not even talking about the obscenely larger amount going to the military aspects of the occupation, only the guilt money couch change we're inadequately scraping together to appear humanitarian ex post smart bombo facto. The paradox of how a huge amount like $30 billion can be thought of as inadequate doesn't make sense on many levels, but is based on the fact that trying to play a kid's dream combination of "Political Tooth Fairy" and "Army Men" on a massive scale is expensive to the point of lunacy.

It's hard to see how anybody of any political stripe wouldn't be pissed off after taking a look at these numbers. Conservatives know down deep in their frugal hearts that this Iraq spending is insanity. Many Moderates can't like that even the overly optimistic Administration deficit estimates don't reach anywhere close to zero by even 2011. Liberals and other Moderates abhor the cuts in domestic programs. And the "Don't Tread on Me" Libertarian/Isolationists are probably stocking up on ammunition and heading for the secret compound at this point.

I don't really have a cute closer to this...just look at the article here and the budget proposal tables here. There's really nothing at all cute about them.

I Have a Gub, Abt Natural

“The police say, although they take all these sorts of things seriously, they don't take this as credible mostly because of all the misspellings,” --Rigo Chavez, APS Spokesperson, referring to a graffiti "hit list" posted in the Highland High School gymnasium, as quoted on the KRQE site.

Sometimes the inane comments of others demand a 1,000 word tirade with pictures. Then there are times when the inanity of the original cannot be enhanced by any attempt at satire. The latter case is absolutely defined by the comment above. It will remain remarked upon no further.

In Which Heather Is Compared With Certain Hollywood Stars of the Past

So I doing the daily blog digestion cycle when I run across the strange graphic above (authentically reproduced from this site...scroll down to see the "original"). I wouldn't recommend staring at it too long, but two things become instantly noticeable:

1. Heather's neck has gone beyond mere Audrey Hepburn length to become some sort of "Aliens"-type connection between body and head. Looking as closely as possible at the horrifying sight, it appears as if she is gazing at the embattled Sigourney Weaver while grinding two godforsakenly inept anti-Aliens soldiers into dust with her pincer claws.

To refresh the memory of those who don't remember the original creature:

Yeah, I know, I know, it is far easier to stomach the picture of the actual "Alien" creature, even with the sharp, pointed nasty teeth and remembrance about the whole coming out of John Hurt's stomach thing. That just goes to show that Hollywood may have big budgets and creative special effects people, but you just can't beat the world of Politics for ghoulish horror.


2. The slogan for "Blogs for Heather" is "Together we can stop Nancy Pelosi's takeover of Congress!". Now this is where we on the Left and Far Left need to quietly tip-toe down the hall and avoid commenting on what must surely be the LOUSIEST CAMPAIGN SLOGAN SINCE GERALD FORD'S "WHIP INFLATION NOW"! Shh....don't say anything and maybe they won't notice that:

• if surveyed, most Americans would state their belief that Nancy Pelosi is host of a Food Network Show.
• if they simply replaced "Nancy Pelosi" with "Hillary Clinton", Bubba NASCAR would go from "who's that?" to "that bitch!" faster than a Dale Earnhardt, Jr. pit stop.
  
• if they stick with Nancy Pelosi those at "blogs for Heather" and other Right Republican sites might actually have to deal with Pelosi after the 2006 elections instead of just laughing their collective asses off while she uselessly screams about "corruption", "lies" and other associated nonsense.
  

In sum, I urge all those who wish for the overthrow of Heather Longneck to copy/paste the current "Blogs for Heather" ad prominently in all blogs, email correspondence, refrigerator doors (where it may well serve as an additional dieting aid), worker break rooms, bowling alleys, post offices and as replacement for Ron Bell billboards. Let's see this baby EVERYWHERE, at least until those Republicans decide that "Whip Pelosi Now" is working only to raise Food Network ratings as people search for her show on Italian cooking.

By the way, regardless of one's political views, one really should click through to the site "Blogs for Heather" goes to. I don't want to ruin it for ya, but in just a few graphics and buzzwords it quickly captures the essential Pol Pot-level anti-intellectualism of today's hard-core Republicans. You really can see the next stage in the current administration as they line up those wearing glasses (sunglasses excepted) and lead them off to the re-education farms. Glasses do make you look smart, after all.

Monahan Punkd?

Update 2/6/06, 11:37 P.M: Apparently, JoeMonahan's site is working for some and not working for others. Maybe it's my Mozilla/Firefox browser, but I'm still not seeing it. And I've only checked 7.2 million times today. My operatives who have gotten into the site tell me that Mr. Monahan's most recent entry focuses on Sen. Beffort. No word yet from my operatives, code name "Team Bootlicker", on whether the Senator prefers to be called "Punky", however. Now off to go find Joe a few more thousand times before I fall exhausted and unfulfilled into a fitful slumber...



Since JoeMonahan's site is still down/hacked/"Burgosed" whatever, the state desperately needs a political gossip blog this morning. Mega exciting news is being made, such as the announcement that the Republican Party found a Lt. Gov. candidate in the fascinating Sue Wilson Beffort, but this news falls flat without Monahan's plucky zest for name dropping and Variety meets Robert Novak writing style.

And don't start looking at me, New Mexico, for this kind of stuff. All I got is this '80s hair band picture of Beffort from the state website (can anyone say "Punky Whips"?) with the proto-hip-hop arm-crossing thing. I can not tell you that I had lunch with Punky....ur, Sue Wilson, nor do I even know if she goes by Sue, Sue Wilson or Punky.

Oh, and I can make obscure Frank Zappa song references, a trait not much in call these days by those looking for political tidbits. In other words, I got nothing. But I do have a picture of Punky Meadows.



See, the resemblance isn't even that great. In this, our time of intense 30-day session need, we cry out for Joe Monahan. Joe? Where are you? Who did you meet at that cocktail party last Saturday? Is it "Sue" or "Sue Wilson"? We're beggin' ya.

Brain Activity, Seven-Layer Dip and the "Super Bowl"

The quickest way to start recovering from a sports addiction is "Super Bowl Sunday". As someone who spent some quality Saturday time yesterday brainwave-deprived on the couch watching the riveting Wichita State v. Southern Illinois State basketball game, I can definitely claim a level of addiction. There is a certain baby-in-the-womb feeling for us sports junkies, blankly staring at the ball and players going up and down the court, as we sprawl on the couch enveloped in a placenta of complete meaninglessness.

True, it's the same addiction as those who can't get off the Internet or "Amercian Idol", but sports does have it's own side-effects and impacts on society, most of which we sports junkies never like to think about. Then there's "Super Bowl Sunday", and every awful thing about sports is thrust into our face like gory photos of alcohol-related fatal car crashes forced upon an alcoholic.

Where to start? Uh...how about the commercialization? The idol worship totally out of sync with what constitutes idols and heroes? Maybe a focus on how the game is supposed to dictate life not only for those who watch, but everyone else as we call everything "Super Bowl ....", as in "Super Bowl Blog Entry", "Super Bowl Breakfast Specials" and "Super Bowl Murder Rate Increase Stories"? Did I mention the commercialization?

Those are all irritating to the extreme, but let's face it sports junkies, the worst aspect of "Super Bowl Sunday" is that it's a day for amateurs. We who can remember watching the tail end of 42-0 blowouts on Sunday Night Football three months ago are now surrounded by the ultimate in bandwagon jumpers who wouldn't sit five minutes for a "regular season" game. Where we're used to having a Sunday alone with a few beers and a Fox NFL doubleheader, now we have "Super Bowl Watching Parties" with stupid things like seven-layer dip and conversations about which commercial is the funniest. Who cares about the commercials? We sports junkies know that commercials exist to give us a chance to switch to CBS for the Broncos game and maybe the NFL Network for an update on stats for our fantasy team.

But of course there is no other game. Not even basketball, or hockey, or my wife's least favorite televised activity, golf. Nothing. ESPN is running, as per normal, figure skating during "The Game". In other years it's been endless loop repeats of Cheerleading Championships and 9-ball tournaments. In other words, nothing.

Now for some full disclosure:

1. I haven't watched the Super Bowl in its entirety since I was a kid and a Roger Staubach was the Cowboys' quarterback.
2. I have never attended a "Super Bowl Party".
3. I'm not really much of a NFL football fan.

Now some of you might be saying, "A Ha (or AHA, or A ha), Scot how can you get off criticizing "Super Bowl Sunday" when you don't even watch it?!? (or !?!) You obviously just don't get it!" To which I reply, it's exactly because of the Super Bowl that I am not much of a NFL fan. Maybe it took the "Big Game" to finally get through my brainwave-deprived skull, but the NFL is about everything but the game. It's about celebrating between the plays more than making them, it's about the commercials running every few plays, acting as their own little celebrations. It's about the friggin' Rolling Stones at halftime instead of the Highland High Marching Band from Pensacola, Florida. It's about incessant promos for whatever lame-ass Heather Graham sit com will be following the post-game and post-post-game shows.

Let's face it, the "Super Bowl" is as close to a completely successful consumer brainwashing project as we have in this country. And we're supposed to celebrate that? Just as you should never trust any legislation that is favored by all legislators, never trust or involve yourself in something that "everybody is doing". The "Super Bowl" shows that, given enough seven-layer dip and some cute commercials, Amercans are just as likely to fall for a totalitarian government.

All that is needed is to subtly change the irrational love from the Steelers to "ending tyranny on the Earth" and we'd be making the Iraq Occupation look like Lunch Detention in about five minutes. I can only thank whatever God, Goddess or Probability existing in the world that has somehow prevented the "State of the Union" from taking on "Super Bowl Sunday" proportions. I don't want to give President W or any future President ideas, but maybe some Budweiser commercials and seven-layer dip would do the trick. And screw the standing ovations, the Prez has got to break out the endzone celebration when he/she makes a point.

So, anyway. What I'm saying is that yesterday I'm sitting brainwave-deprived on the couch when it occurs to me that maybe watching Wichita State v. Southern Illinois State play basketball is a waste of time. Maybe even these dinky unheralded basketball games share the fascistic tendencies of the "Super Bowl". Maybe every sporting event has as it's core a slavish worship to supposed idols, a time-wasting obsession with what is really just a game of chance made to appear intentional, the observation of a sublimated battle in which we take sides and desire the obliteration of a needlessly invented enemy.

I thought that, or something sorta like that, before I got up from the couch to go do the dishes. But first, I had to check out the score in the UConn/Indiana game, and the Kansas State/Oklahoma State game, and the Arizona/UCLA game. I went through the other channels, but no other games were on. So I got up and did those dishes.

A Short Day at the RoundCircus

The co-teachers and I took about 120 students to the multi-ring circus that is the Roundhouse yesterday. The kids seemed to have a good time being engulfed into the madness, got introduced at the Senate floor session (along with about 947 FFA members, 23 Senate pages and shadows, and a 2nd grader dolled up in a fancy suit that everybody went "aaahhh" over), and got to pepper Senate Judiciary Chair Cisco McSorley for about 45 minutes on how the medical marijuana is going get to those who need it and where does he get off telling middle schoolers how to eat.

And, as far as I know, no students died, and we didn't leave anybody up there to be pigeonholed by lobbyists in Winnie-the-Pooh ties and multiple cellphones about why kids need to support the Spaceport. That being the case, you gotta call it a successful "field trip".

Along the way we also:

• Saw Bernalillo County Commissioner Alan Armijo crossing the street, okay actually jaywalking, but this is New Mexico (so no scoop there).
• Heard now-famous Senator John Grubesic make self-deprecating remarks on the Senate floor about chances for his Capital Outlay projects now that his mini-memoir came out in the New Mexican about how the whole Big Bill boot-licking process works. The guy has a sense or humor even if he doesn't have a chance in hell.
  
• Saw Big Bill himself at a noontime ceremony behind some Mexica dancers strutting their stuff while Bill appeared rather upset to be missing lunch.
  
• Saw first hand that despite our relative urbanity in ABQ and SF, there are just a whole lot of hicks in this State and many of them are running it. The endless "introductions" section of the Senate floor session included multiple good 'ole boys talking Texan about this, that and the t'other. I noticed that my "inner city" ABQ students were not really getting the plentiful jokes from the rural Senators. I don't think they were missing anything.
  

There's more, but it's now time to celebrate my teaching profession by attending a stupefyingly boring "in-service" about this, that and the t'other. Good thing we teachers have field trips like the one yesterday to get through the soul crushing mega-ennui of "teacher training". Meanwhile, in the real world it's a Friday...have a good one, whether you're standing outside Intel protesting the traffic jam that is the new, improved President "screw the Middle East, the U.S. is addicted to oil" Bush, or doodling alongside me during hour five of "curricular mapping".