At This Rate We're Gonna Run Out of Newspaper Pallbearers

I recently mentioned my Expat connection to Seattle. Now I read of the eternally long, foretold repeatedly death of the Emerald City's 2nd newspaper, the P-I (Post-Intelligencer).

It was just like the ABQ Trib, but with a cooler name and logo.

Sic transit gloria. Sic freakin' transit, is right.

I swear, you can't tell the dead newspapers without a scorecard these days.

12 Days, 3 Hours, 19 Minutes and Counting Down

A year of so ago I wrote a little something for a now moribund newspaper about how we, as a nation, we're just about done suffering through the Worst Presidential Administration Ever.

Well, that was before all Great Depression II Hell broke out (officially), and now an even larger majority of Americans agree with the sentiment that January 20th cannot possibly come fast enough. Gwyneth Doland at the New Mexico Independent relates the findings of a Pew Research Center poll in which 99.4% of Americans reported finding hearing the words "George W. Bush" to cause instantaneous projectile vomiting.

No, I made that up. Actually, the most damning result in the poll was that only 24% of Americans "approve of outgoing President's performance". Then again, Pew didn't ask the "projectile vomiting" question, which is one of the reasons I don't like polling.

Meanwhile, older folks at school keep coming up to me (due to a misguided perception that I know something about the "Internets") asking if they will be able to see the Inauguration online during the school day. I understand the excitement toward the dawn of the Obama Administration, but, frankly, I would be highly stoked about ANY new Administration replacing the nightmare that is P.V. Bush (Projectile Vomiting, of course). A Pauly Shore Administration would be rapturous in comparison with 'ol P.V.

Perhaps that is somewhat of an exaggeration. Regardless, I'm more pumped about the idea of a Bush Leaving Party than an Obama Inauguration Party. And I've been excited about this upcoming day for, let's see, just about eight years now. And it's almost time for us to put the barf bags down, and get our post-Bush groove on.

Party on Garth. Party almost on Pauly Shore.

A Sea of Red & Black Along the Puget Sound

I lived in Seattle and environs from 1997 to 2003, and like many Expats I check in with the old stomping grounds quite a bit. This evening I see the following traffic graphic from the quite sophisticated Seattle Times/Washington State Department of Transportation:

You can't get the full traffic Hell effect without a click on the map

Now Seattle may be far hipper, cooler, swankier, cosmopolitan as all get out and the cat's pajamas compared with ABQ, but after making a 11 mile bike ride this fine sunny 'Burque afternoon in about 35 minutes (mostly downhill, of course), and coming home to see all the Red & Black on the Emerald City's thoroughfares, I'm thinking (again) that hip, cool, swank might not be all that. Especially when you combine the above with the typical nasty winter horizontal rain and dark at 4:30 p.m. skies.

I still miss that naturally air-conditioned summer, though. And the water. And the Virginia Inn before it went all toursity. And...slap yourself, Scot....look at all that Red & Black!

P.S.: In more ABQ-centric snark...why is it I almost expect Duke City Fix to post a new entry tomorrow in which we are told that the Albuquerque Journal has hired 100 new employees? I see now that the periodically updated corrections from Sophie about the actual situation have been taken down, but here's the alarming blogpost that started it all. Like most of the blogosphere when it comes to "news", I have no idea what the Hell is going on, either.

Oh wait, Sophie's post appears to be back up. I, for one, welcome our new, post newspaper-age, information overlords. Just not enough to join a "social network" quite yet...which I realize for a "blogger" is like saying one isn't an alcoholic because they only drink beer and wine.

I Guess He's Got That Interview For Secretary of Commerce

Woe is the ABQ blogosphere, as the Mayor has had to postpone his online "town-hall meeting". Something about a "scheduling conflict". Perhaps that trial lead balloon cold call from the League of Latin American Citizens (LULAC) throwing out potential Big Bill replacements with Marty at the top o' list actually got the guy an interview with Obama Inc.

Maybe. Can't........suppress....uncontrollable....laughter.....

I don't know what's funnier, the idea of putting Feudal Prince (FP) Marty at the top of such a list, or the Bizarro World idea that this could really be why the Mayor doesn't have time to "meet" with the basement-dwelling, pajama-clad blogoscenti.

Of course, dear reader, you would be exactly right in pointing out we entered Bizarro World a long, long, long time ago. Partisanship aside, did it ever occur to you while watching that Eddie Murphy/Dan Ackroyd movie "Trading Places" twenty-five years ago to think, "Hey, that guy playing the baggage handler who interacts with that totally fake looking gorilla would make a pretty good U.S. Senator some day"?

Anything is possible in politics. If "Stuart Smalley" can be U.S. Senator, Marty Chavez can be Secretary of Commerce. I must say, however, that despite my true respect and fandom toward the humor of Senator Franken, naming FP Marty to Secretary of Commerce in the Obama Administration at this point would eclipse, in a single uproarious announcement, all the funny of Al Franken's entire comic career. It would make Andy Kaufman singing the "Mighty Mouse Song" look like "Family Circus".

Man, I almost hope that's the reason for the mysterious "scheduling conflict" at this point. Such, such potential.

P.S.: Now that I'm all nostalgic about Al Franken, remember that time he explained tax deductions on "Saturday Night Live" as part of his "Al Franken Decade" shtick? Good times, brothers and sisters...good times.

P.P.S.: Marty as Secretary of Commerce would still be funnier.

Sifting Through the Tea Leaves of the Latest From Winston Brooks

My impression is that we will be “held harmless” by the legislature, which means funding from the state should hold steady from last year. That may be the best we can hope for right now.-- from Winston Brooks, APS Superintendent, "Weekly Message", received email 1.5.09

No mention in the Brooks' email/press release of that $57 million noisily requested back in November as part of the possible change in "funding formula". No mention of the "funding formula" at all, which could be a simple oversight akin to the following sentence from said email/press release:

Most of the APS budget is tied to schools, but we will continue to look at ways to keep any cuts way from schools.

One could go on about the use of "way" above, but as this little blog could also really use a copy editor, I'll put the rock down and simply return to my glass house armed only with the knowledge (possible) that school districts have retreated firmly into the financial bunkers, and that fanciful "funding formula" changes to the tune of an added $350 million may be on hold for quite a while.

The wintry economic climate might also mean the stunting of reforms proposed by the new-ish Superintendent. As a teacher who uses mock trials as a big part of his curriculum, I was struck by the following initiative mentioned in the Brooks communique:

We are working on joining forces with downtown businesses including law firms, banks and government departments to create a civics-law magnet school.

That's news to me (not that Winston calls very frequently to give me a "heads up" about these things, that we have dinner often, or that I even get invited to any of his parties, not never), but I wonder how innovative the, almost certainly, short Brooks regime will be allowed, economically, to be.

And that includes the recent decision to unify/block high school schedules. Peering far from the District Administrative Bunker (DAB), it sure looks like that little idea is gonna cost some money (teachers, additional classrooms). My inner dweeb would certainly like to see what the cost breakdowns project to be on that one.

In conclusion, trying to decipher the latest "weekly message" from Winston Brooks illustrates how depressing it can be to run a district, or even a single classroom, in a time of economic cholera.

An Open Letter From New Mexico to Governor Bill Richardson

Given the gravity of the economic situation the nation state of New Mexico is facing, I could not in good conscience ask the President-elect Lieutenant Governor and his her Administration to delay for one day the important work that needs to be done.--Bill Richardson, 1.4.09 *fixed version*

So are we right, Big Bill, in understanding that New Mexico is political chopped liver, only resorted to when the filet mignon of Washington is taken off the menu? Well, if you're quitting that job before you even start, why don't you just do us all a favor and quit the job you were pretending to do in the first place?

Get out of the way, Bill. Let Diane Denish get started now. If you want, you can go sit in the Obama Transition Team Waiting Room until the Blagojevich/Richardson parallels are forgotten and things cool down. We don't care.

Just leave. Now.

Big Bill, you might not understand this, but you're kinda making New Mexico look bad, saying you're not clean enough for a job with the sparkly, shiny Obama Administration while you have no problems continuing to foul the filth down here in piddly 'ol NM, where political corruption is, in your mind, not only accepted but expected.

We were all ready to keep quiet, stifle our urge to laugh at Washington/Obama for taking your tired act off our hands, and now this happens. Thanks a lot. Thanks for nothing.

Just leave. Now.

Diane Denish for Governor: Now. Not January, 2011. Now.

Cheese Sandwiches and the Hieronymus Bosch World of Public School Cafeterias

An anti-hunger community group says a new public school policy to offer cold cheese sandwiches to students with lunchroom debt will stigmatize children.-- Albuquerque Journal, 1.3.09

List of places adult human beings would willingly go (in order of eager willingness):

1. South of France free wine/bread/cheese early Summer gastronomy tour, driven spot to spot in a '59 Corvette with the top down.


2. Endless, but never monotonous or painful, cycle of massages and restorative hot tub sessions in the Star Trek Holodeck scenario of the adult human being's choice.
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99,999,999,999,999,999: Public middle school cafeteria during "A" Lunch.

Remember, dear fellow adult human being, the school cafeteria? Remember, in particular, the social strata and caste system of the junior high/middle school cafeteria? My daily work existence forces me, far too often, to actually go into our school cafeteria. It is the one place on campus that causes involuntary shuddering throughout my person.

I bring up these thoughts, and readers' possible nightmare memories in reaction to the idea that changes in APS meal charging policy "will stigmatize children". I know most adults have invested significant mental time and possibly extensive sessions of professional psychological therapy trying to erase any memories regarding their own K-12 school lunch experiences. Still, I don't think I'm going to surprise anyone with the following observation:

--Public school cafeterias are the sight of rampant, pervasive and endlessly fascinating/alarming (for us sociology types) stigmatization, discrimination and every -ism you can possibly think of, including racism, beauty-ism and capitalism. In short, the public school cafeteria is like Lord of the Flies meets Thomas Hobbes meets the Black Hole of Calcutta. Only worse.

So for someone to object to the "stigmatization" brought about by APS making the sons/daughters of deadbeat parents (who aren't eligible for "free/reduced lunch", yet don't give Joanie/Johnny a couple of bucks to pay for lunch each day), let me remind everyone that the kids (especially the middle school ones) are WAY, WAY, WAY ahead of the adults when it comes to finding potential discerning points ripe for stigmatization.

For just one example, let's look at the "free/reduced lunch" issue. At my school, there are two kinds of kids at lunch: those who stand in the line for the APS lunch and those who buy lunch in the "snack bar" line. There are also a few kids who bring their own lunch, and these anomalies are openly ridiculed for being different, eating sensibly, etc. Notably, it is these "bring their own lunch" kids who invariably look among the most healthy/fit in the school.

But back to the two larger groups. It is universally taken as fact that a student who stands in line for the APS lunch is getting a "free/reduced lunch". Otherwise, why would these folks eat the crappy APS lunch? This line is very slow-moving because all the kids have to punch in their "free/reduced lunch" numbers into a device near the cash register. The cash register in the APS line almost never has change, as almost all the students punch in the little numbers.

Meanwhile, all the "rich" kids overeat in the "snack bar" line, getting airport-priced slices of pizza and convenience-store priced "baked" Cheetos (baked because of new dietary guidelines...whereas the pizza is nowhere near such guidelines).

It is from this dichotomy that tons of other class/other distinctions follow, including all those race/looks/language issues that still plague our society. And, being public school, you've also got your bullies and assorted other losers who get to have the time of their life at age 13 intimidating kids, everyone knowing the likelihood that life for these bullies/losers is most certainly headed downhill from here.

Doesn't it all just make you wanna show up for "A" lunch this Monday? And Tuesday....?

I have no real opinion on the subject of what to do with students unable/unwilling to pay for an APS lunch. Oh, that's not true...I have tons of opinions on APS lunch:

• The "snack bar" line should be done away with;
• All lunches should be "cooked" on campus from scratch
• All lunches should be free, with day cards used to prevent "doubling up"
• Students not eligible for "free/reduced lunch" could purchase meal cards each semester
• "Free/reduced lunch" students would have the same exact meal cards funded through the program

Sure, these ideas wouldn't solve all problems of the William Golding/Thomas Hobbes world of public school cafeterias. But they might help a bit.

Meanwhile, I have to go pack my 90 lunches for the upcoming Semester. Thinking/writing on this subject has left me unwilling to ever, EVER go inside my school cafeteria again. I'll keep looking at the Bosch painting below as a reminder of what it looks like inside these horrible places.

Volare 1988-2009

A few months ago I wrote a bit about walking the colic out of our horse, Volare. Well, on this first day of 2009 we walked, and walked and walked and walked....but it just didn't take. The one-eared guy you fuzzily see ever-so-patiently waiting to be prepped for a schooling ride (his specialty along with munching on peppermints) went for his last trailer ride today.

Having just crossed into his twenties, and with ongoing health problems, today is not unexpected. Still, this was our favorite, the daily companion of my wife for over fifteen years and a helluva great guy.

The year is off to a bit of a rough start.

I also see that Coco has a horse late in life post today. Glad to hear things went better over at her place. As for our little ranchette, there's a horse stall missing a 17-hand big guy and his daily gargantuan pre-mealtime piss today. That large daily circle of muck cleaning is just one of 10,000 we'll miss about you, Volare.

Happy trails V-Man. Happy trails.