Saturday, September 17, 2005

New RFP for New Mexico State Treasurer Office

Request for Proposals for Professional Services
Providing Securities Lending Oversight Boss (SLOB)
Services to the Office of the New Mexico State


A. Purpose

The purpose of this Request For Proposals (RFP), in accordance with the New Mexico State Procurement Code Regulations 1.4.1 NMAC, is to select an offeror to provide Securities Lending Oversight Boss (SLOB) Services to the New Mexico State Treasurer's Office (STO).

As further described below, the purpose of this RFP is also to provide State Treasurer Robert Vigil with unlimited kickbacks and other considerations for financial services projects that he may deem necessary, depending on his need for a new boat or addition to his house.

B. Scope of Work

The initial scope of work shall be to engage a qualified person(s), entity, or entities to provide SLOB Services.

Services shall include, but are not limited to, the following:

1. Recommend an investment strategy for those working with the STO that includes weekly payments sent in white paper envelopes to a drop-off location to be determined.

2. Monitor the credit worthiness of those working with the STO and prepare weekly reports to Mr. Vigil on how much more we can squeeze out of the bastards.

3. Assist the State Treasurer in threatening those who choose not to “play ball”.

4. Monitor the securities lending program for avoidance of any contact with Federal, State and Local regulators and law enforcement officials.

5. Make visits to those unwilling to follow STO guidelines and strongly encourage compliance. Make additional visits when necessary to ensure compliance. A strong knowledge of low to high-level torture techniques (brass knuckles, bag of oranges, vises, chain saws, etc.) is strongly preferred.

6. Make on-site visits to the STO, work with the Treasurer's staff to develop timely and accurate alibis to exonerate STO activities, including collaborating on false stories focusing on former “disgruntled employees”.

7. Provide specific securities lending support and services to the State Treasurer including but not limited to: finding former “disgruntled employees” and “taking them out” Pat Robertson-style.


A. Number of Responses

Offerors shall submit only one proposal, to be personally given to Gov. Bill Richardson and Robert Vigil in a private meeting held in the freezer room of Tomasita’s Restaurant. Wear heavy clothes.

B. Number of Copies

Offeror will make absolutely no copies of any correspondence of any kind. Anyone wearing a wire to a proposal meeting, well, you know what will happen.

C. Proposal Format

All proposals must include a donation to the Bill Richardson for President 2008 Committee, Robert Vigil, Treasurer. Be sure to provide names of all relatives so that we can get the donations under Federal disclosure notification guidelines.

Offerors may attach other materials that they feel may improve the quality of their responses. These may include dirt on Republicans officials, local, State and especially Federal. Photos always help a proposal, especially those involving hotel rooms, barnyard animals and lines of cocaine.


Evaluation Point Summary

The following is a summary of evaluation factors with point value assigned to each. These, along with the general requirements, will be used in the evaluation of offeror proposals.

: Points Available

  • Knowledge of house address of certain FBI agents and their families: 25
  • Experience with and knowledge of extortion techniques: 15
  • A Really Bitchin’ Car to make drops with: 15
  • Graduates of New Mexico Highlands U.: 15
  • "Outside the box" ideas for extracting funds from potential contractors: 10
  • Previous jobs, stints in the “joint”, etc.: 5
  • Donation to Bill for President 2008 (1 pt. per $10,000): 15
Total Points Possible: 100 (but Math was never our strong suit)

*Note: Recent events involving the State Treasurer and former State Treasurer have put this RFP on-hold. Potential offerors are invited to visit Mr. Vigil and or Mr. Montoya at one of their upcoming court appearances to get more information. Wear a disguise.

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