The Griego Goes Goofy TV Ad

Despite what my enslaved Literature students think, I bet there isn't a single person in the entire city o' ABQ who likes goofy stuff better than me. Well, except for that Mr. Bean thing...that's stupid, and, well, just about any physical comedy. For instance, Benny Hill and that large breast Univision goes Tex Avery wolf eyes stuff...unwatchable.

But you get my point, I like goofy stuff. Really. Daily Show, love it. The Onion, could be funnier but really liking the new, more updated bloggish version. Photoshopped pictures of Tom DeLay being booted "get out of jail free" ala Monopoly, pretty darn funny. I know funny and I like it. Of course you should never trust a person who says something like that, but what's trust got to do with politics?

Which brings me to the Eric Griego goofy guy for Mayor ad. I SO MUCH wanted to like this TV ad. Given the money situation with the Griego campaign, we heard more hype about this spot than a Brad Pitt movie. And I like Eric Griego okay, especially in the sense that he seems to be human, whereas Marty Chavez exhibits absolutely no human species traits except for arrogance. Chavez is like the arrogant hyena who is tearing through the zebra entrails in slow motion in those nature films. You can just see Marty shaking that head in slow motion, eyes blazing in manic bliss as the small intestine flaps back and forth off his rabid hyena head.

Now personally, I would have preferred a Griego ad simply featuring a Photoshopped picture of Marty's head on a hyena body, entrails flapping. But Griego took the relative high road here, and goes Don Knotts meets Benny Hill instead.

If you haven't seen it, watch it about five times and come back to me. Good, welcome back. Have you ever heard a human being talk so fast without the use of crystal meth in your life? I can just see the elderly and hard-of-hearing in the TV audience looking at the ad. Just looking. Looking like they just got hit by that Sci-Fi laser that leaves victims with an eternal dull stare until the aliens come to do the anal probes. And the goofy, Don Knotts grin? All he needs is a Sherriff Deputy's hat and he's set for the Andy Griffith Show.

Griego talks so fast, especially in the beginning, that his droll attack on Marty and his developer money sounds instead like Eric is asking to score some crystal meth or something. It takes about five viewings just to figure out what the hell he's dissing.

Then he walks really fast, Benny Hill-style. Now I know, I already told you I don't like Benny Hill. And no, Eric does not move at super speed between various large breasted women at whom he stares Univision comedy-style. No, instead he high-tails it between his ex-school teachers, some retired police officers, pictures of his Mom and such, while little 3rd Grader-does- I-Movie HD graphics put little hearts and stuff over the pictures.

Combined with the walking at super-speed gag throughout, the effect is so darn cute you want to pinch Eric on his puffy little cheeks. Or maybe pinch them so hard you draw blood. It depends on your stomach for cute...and let's face it, this Griego ad might be the absolute CUTIST ad in political history. Aside for the indecipherable Chavez developer slam, this ad is the exact opposite of negative campaigning. Griego couldn't have looked cuter if he'd spent 30 seconds kissing cuddly little babies on the noggin in slow motion. He reminds you of Napoleon Dynamite doing that dance for Pedro's campaign and dancing after the music stops. Man he's cute.

Maybe I just don't like cute that much. I'm still with the Marty as intestine-slurping hyena. As a rule, I don't like negative campaigning, but Marty is so vile he cries out for it, and this town seems to treat him with such kid gloves. Yeah, I know, you say it wouldn't work to go negative, and I'd probably agree with you.

Okay, maybe instead of intestine-slurping we just show a big, long pan shot of the Westside of Albuquerque, with Eric's voice-over coming in after about 10 seconds asking in a serious voice:

Do you want our entire Goddamn town to look like this?

Then he could say that his first act as Mayor would be an executive order de-annexing the entire Westside, and building a Gaza Strip-style wall along the West Bank of the Rio Grande.

The other 15 seconds of the ad would just be a high-speed bounce back and forth between photos of Marty and the big shot of the Westside. Then in huge Orwell 1984 fonts we throw

Marty = Westside = Sprawl = Death

Maybe we could at least have some subliminal shots of those hyenas, too.