Monday, February 27, 2006

More From Your Wacky NM Green Party Clown

As mentioned in the last post, I am still a registered Green Party voter in New Mexico. I have not actually voted for a Green Party candidate in about six years, nor can I even recall any GP candidates since, well, six years ago. To give some indication of the strength of my Green Party affiliation, I offer this example.

Let's say that the Democratic Candidate against George W. Bush in 2004 had been Xaphan, Second Order Demon of Hell, whose job is to stoke the flames of the all-Unholy Underworld. And, let's also say that Ralph Nader was running as a Green Party candidate. Well, in that scenario I'm voting for Xaphan in a Hell-0n-Earth second. I'm crawling over people to vote for Xaphan. I'm kicking Green Party people out of the way, my Doc Martens quickly covered in the blood of GP members as I viciously scamper over them to get to the evil electronic voting machine.

As such, I'm pretty much your typical registered Green Party voter. Your circa-2006 GP voter goes Democratic unless it's some obscure race with a GP candidate stuck in it, or it's a slam-dunk Democrat going against a sure-loser Republican and a Green. In these cases we proudly shun complete allegiance to the vile Democratic Party, let our free voter registration flags fly and proudly press the GP candidate button. We feel so rebellious and so vital to the process. Take that, Two-Party System! Eat the Rich! Booyah!

A few days ago GP Head Honcho of sorts Carol Miller talked with about the Greens possibly running a candidate in U.S. House #1 against Heather Wilson and Patsy Madrid. This is interesting primarily because if there is anything real Green Party members can't stand it's Head Honchos or even Head Honchos of sorts. We can't stand 'em. We can't stand 'em so much that we'd rather vote for a candidate that is sure to lose, as that means our chosen candidate won't be a Head Honcho.

One way to tell we really don't go for Head Honchos is to visit the NM Green Party website. The visitor will quickly notice that 99.5% of the content on the site is about issues: Instant Runoff Voting, Environmental Sustainability, Social Justice, stuff like that. Finding the names of people supporting these issues is far more difficult. Take Carol Miller for instance..she's pretty much invisible without some hard-core site Googling. I understand she's no longer an officer with the NM GP, but it's a struggle knowing she ever was an officer or even a Green.

Similarly, I'd bet 90% of registered Greens don't even know who the current State co-chairs, John Otter and Kathy Sanchez, are. And we love it that way. Absolutely no cult of personality, in fact we have no personality. Best proof of this is the NN GP homepage itself. On it is a large picture of....a horned toad sitting on a rock. No Eugene V. Debs, no Ralph Nader, no Carol Miller...just a horny toad camouflaged on a boulder.

Strange then that political analysts and especially paranoid Democrats like to think of us GP voters as an organized block that can undercut a Democratic challenger at the slightest whim of our all-powerful cult leadership. The more accurate assessment is that:

1. The terms "organized" and "Green Party" are oxymoronic.

2. Simply put, many races in recent years have pitted a vaguely-evil Republican v. a unmistakably milquetoast brain-dead Democrat. A large number of voters, especially those wanting to point out this lack of real choice, would have voted for anybody or anything in these races. We would have voted for Barney the Dinosaur. Howie Mandel would have been considered. Even Chris Kattan could not have been ruled out in all cases. Having a Green Party affiliation for the candidate was nice, but Barney the Dinosaur could have been running on the Very Silly Party ticket and I personally would have voted for him over Phil Maloof in a "I Love You" heartbeat. Being a Green was just convenient.

But all that was before George W., especially 2nd term W with his execrable "political capital". Unlike those early care-free days of 2000, the thought of somebody on the Left voting for anything even tangentially related to W and his policies is unthinkable. And despite Heather's recent tap-dance away from W on NSA snooping and UAE ports, etc., I'd be surprised if 25 people would vote for a Green over a Democrat in U.S. House #1. And I'd be willing to lead an armed search party to go after the 25.

So what I'm saying is that we Greens are more of a non-factor than ever. Carol Miller's comments about a Green running against Patsy strike me as delusionally grandiose...strangely similar to just about everything W says these days. Hmmm...another Republican/Green Party connection. Anyway, despite our complete meaninglessness, I do want to close with a few actual advantages to being a registered Green in New Mexico.

  • You get to avoid signing tons of Democratic candidate signature petition requests at public rallies like the recent Martin Luther King, Jr. march.
  • You get to avoid signing Democratic candidate signature requests from this guy at my local gym who is constantly, constantly, CONSTANTLY asking people to sign a Mary Herrera petition. Seemingly every single time I'm getting dressed at this gym this guy shuffles up with a clipboard and I get to say..."I'm registered Green". Every time it's like the guy heard it for the first time.
  • Let me repeat that: you get to avoid signing a Mary Herrera petition. Herrera is the single scariest candidate for any race, any party, this election cycle. She just might be Xaphan, Second Order Demon of Hell. At least her hair might be.
  • You never get a call, email or mailing from the New Mexico Democratic Party.
  • The NM Green Party is far too disorganized and broke to ever send you a call, email or mailing.
  • You're always the life of the party when the discussion gets to politics. Try this for yourself: invent your own Green Party affiliation by stating your strong support of the GP candidate for NM State Auditor in 2006. Completely make up a Green candidate name and biography and invent a few important positions from this imaginary candidate. Be sure to mention that this candidate may well run for Governor down the road and is "a politician to watch" as the Greens revive themselves into Major Party Status. See if anyone says, "yeah, I know that person. I think I voted for them in 2002 for Land Commissioner." Extra points if you're mistaken party colleague starts rattling off positions for the fake candidate.
Lastly, I'm aware that I am just one registered Green voter, and don't represent the Party, or any of its other members. Which is just as well. History has shown that the Green Party is harsh on the Republicans, very harsh on the Democrats but Stalin Show Trial-esque harsh on its fellow Party members. As the Woody Allen joke goes, it's like the Mafia... it really only kills its own. Especially in 2006.

1 comment:

Michelle Meaders said...

And you get to avoid voting in the Democratic (or Republican) Primary, where many races are determined in some districts.