Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Join "Stink For America"!

I realize I'm late jumping on the bandwagon, but at least I'm bringing a catchy name to the table.

For years I've vacillated on biking to work, primarily because I just don't trust my fellow motorists. At all. But, like many others, the price of gas has helped me overcome my completely rational fear that some jerk in a Ford pickup will either try or succeed in running me over.

It's been great seeing all the other cyclists on the streets of our fair city the last few weeks, and while some of you have been pedaling to work for years and years, we in the bandwagon contingent are stoked to join in, except for one small detail (well, besides the being run over and killed detail).

That detail: by the time I make it up the hill at MLK to the intersection at University I am a sweaty, panting, mess.

Perhaps more importantly, I stink. Like a muskrat exiting a Louisiana swamp. Not to mention the whole bike helmet hair thing.

So I've been thinking things over, and we newbie bike-to-work people have two choices.
  1. Construct eloborate plans to shower at work, adding significant minutes to our commute and giving us that creepy "yikes, I just took a shower at work" feeling.
  2. Take pride in our stinkiness.
I'm going with Option Two, and ask others to join "Stink For America", an organization that celebrates how godawful smelling cycling-to-work folks by pointing out (in as irritating and condescending a manner as possible) that:
  • By stinking we are patriotically lessening U.S. dependence on foreign oil
  • By stinking we are benefiting the environment (well, except for the immediate environment around us in our stinkiness)
  • By stinking we are doing our part to reduce the pathetic obesity problem in this country
  • By stinking we are lowering the overall expectations of personal hygiene in the workplace, thus possibly allowing other, non-cyclists, to pretty much stop showering/bathing altogether and thus help to conserve water.
  • By stinking and having bike-helmet hair we help the self-esteem of fellow workers by helping them say to themselves "yeah, my hair looks stupid, but at least it doesn't look as bad as that guy who bikes to work".
I'm sure there are plenty of other societal benefits to "Stink For America", and those willing to stink are encouraged to supply them. Meanwhile, I have to go stink it up for a meeting at Satellite coffee. Those permanent laptop coffee fiends at the coffee shop are in for an olfactory treat this morning, I tell ya.

P.S.: After riding today I'm not only Stinking For America, I am Injured For America. I took some photos of the result of my classic endo at Lead and 4th (hmmm...perhaps cautiously applying force to the front brakes is the way to go), but you can't tell how horribly disfigured I am from the self-inflicted accident, primarily because of my pre-existing inherent degree of horrible disfigurement. Some scrapes, bruises, and cuts, with a nice little impact kiss spot on the helmet.

Anybody who doesn't wear a helmet because it messes up their hair is...well you know.

1 comment:

Jimbo said...

My bosses asked if I wouldn't mind showering because they had gotten "a few complaints." Plus a coworker walked into my cubie just as I was stripping off my bike shorts so I could don a pair of skivvies. Let's not even get started with the hair...