Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Bill Richardson Weight Political Aspiration Matrix (WPAM)

Looking at the video of Big Bill walking around BMOKorea style, it looks to me like he's lost some weight, and that can only mean one thing. Maybe it was just the camera angle, or the looser, ultra-relaxed fit suit, but he looked significantly slimmer than I remember him recently. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but he looked to be already in "running for something" weight.

As has already been well established, Big Bill's weight fluctuates on a matrix somewhat akin to that of repeatedly divorced men (as described in this Onion news brief). Namely, Bill loses weight, runs for office, wins, gains weight + X lbs., then has to run for office again, loses weight....

The question is....is Bill losing weight to a degree and at a pace that slims him down only to "run for New Mexico Governor in 2006" weight, or is this the uber-diet geared for the massive slimming necessary for a 2008 Presidential bid?

As Big Bill isn't camping out in Iowa and New Hampshire like Russ Feingold (source of some great television when C-SPAN covers Sen. Feingold talking to the seven members of the Manchester Decoupage Society), the best political analysis we can have on his future aspirations is body weight. Given that Big Bill could probably scarf three pints of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia a day and win the 2006 Governor's race, verification of actual weight loss almost definitely confirms a serious Presidential run in '08, in my opinion. Some say the actual seriousness of that campaign will supposedly depend on things like contributions, endorsements and such, but I'm judging from here on out on a simple eye-balling of Big Bill's girth by the end of this year:

(Big Bill in July 2005)

Big Bill waistline same as today, ala John Goodman-lite
Probably just content with Governor in '06; will answer phone when Democratic Presidential Nominee calls about VP slot. Hell, look at Cheney...there's time for some serious eatin' in that gig. Otherwise, it's just SF breakfast burrito mornings melding into burrito afternoons and rolled chicken enchilada evenings for a few more years.

(Big Bill back in '98)

Big Bill noticeably slimmer, like three inches at least , sorta like John McCain

Probably scheduling some future talks with the Manchester Decoupage Society in between sessions with North Korean Nuclear Officials. Tends to forget about certain duties as NM Governor, like the '2007 budget and stuff. Dreams about chocolate eclairs.

(Wesley Clark out of uniform)

Big Bill no longer Big Bill, most closely resembles Wesley Clark in rail-like svelteness, relatively speaking
Planning a full-time, no-holds-barred run at the Presidency when he is not secretly binging on pints of Double Fudge Chocolate Brownie. After bitter loss in Wisconsin Primary, Richardson spends 7 hours at a Golden Corral, ladling melted nacho "cheese" directly into upraised mouth. Or, if things go better for him, he waits to do this at the Golden Corral he has installed into the West Wing of the White House.

If this state has any decent political reporters, they will bring a scale to all future Richardson press events, maybe one of those ones hooked up to a Basketball Scoreboard-large LED read-out behind the podium. Voters around the country (not to mention Ben & Jerry's) would be very, very interested in those constant updates.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hope Ben & Jerry's will be able to stay in business.