Tuesday, October 11, 2005

What to Do While We Wait For More Indictments

We on the schadenfreude-dependent Left have come down now from the gleefully intense good times of ten days or so ago, when we got to revel mightily in the knee-snappingly funny bad times of G. Bush and the "Bush Crime Family". Tom DeLay, Bill Frist, people associated with the President that we only know because they got indicted for stuff, not to mention the Harriet Miers nomination and the con/neo-con apoplexy-fest over whether Miers is really, really, really a right-wing anti-abortion wingnut, or just a right-wing anti-abortion woman who dresses like an older version of Florence Henderson in "The Brady Bunch".

So a few days have gone by now, and despite rising levels of "Plamegate Fever" ("Catch It"! trademark) we still haven't heard about indictments of the big Kahuna, the uber-enemy, the Himmler/Goering/Hess-all-rolled-in-one, "Turd Blossom" Karl Rove.

This is frustrating. If we weren't more decorous on the 'Burque Babble we might make an analogy to how this is like almost having an orgasm and then having our partner suddenly roll away and start doing their nails or something. But, as I mentioned, we are too decorous on the 'Burque Babble to make that analogy.

So, what to do while the nation clips its collective hangnail? Well, we could just read about Plamegate, Plame, Joe what's his name, the CIA, Niger, and the rest, but let's face it...what percentage of the population really has any idea what the hell any of that means? Plamegate is like Post-Graduate level Watergate. Frankly, we need simpler scandals, like Bill Frist, for example:

Bill Frist, Doctor - HCA is a hospital company started by Frist's Dad and Brother - Frist has HCA stock in Trust - Frist sells stock right before big news comes out - Frist is a Doctor - Frist is a relative to HCA founders - Frist is a Doctor...

We can handle that one...but most of us can't get past the fact that yellow cake uranium is cake, and boy do we like cake, in fact we'd like some right now!

So studying Plamegate is right out. Instead, let's collect the increasing number of totally funny ass things on the 'Net that celebrate the last few weeks of schadenfreude lust.

Note: These are things you might have seen before, and have already gotten sick of from clicking on for hours. Hey, at least they're collected in one place, and besides, it's a free blog, whaddya expect?

Cronyjobs.com: Now this is something I wish I had the talent and HTML skillllzzz to create. Funny, funny stuff, with sorta-kinda real drop-downs and such.

Harriet Miers' Blog: Yes, I know, you've already read it, and that you could have done that. But somebody else did first, and the tone is straight out of the most twisted pages of the National Lampoon High School Yearbook Parody (and that's high praise indeed).

Keep enjoying the frothing paranoia of the Right with this little two-parter: First, read the "Weekly World News" story on a lesbian mom who wants to give her 2-year old a sex change; second, read the Free Republic thread about the atrocity. Notice both the number of posts it takes some to realize that the Weekly World News isn't "real" news and the even longer amount of time it takes others to realize how damn funny the Weekly World News is. WWW is really better than the Onion these days, just about up there with the afore-mentioned National Lampoon from days of yore (i.e. my teenage years).

Mark Fiore at the Village Voice makes really good flash animations. Here's his bit on "G.O.P.S." (ala C.O.P.S.), be sure to check out his archives..there's some good stuff in there. And why don't we in ABQ have a Village Voice, and who would be our Michael Musto? I nominate Don Schrader, but he's definitely gonna have to change that altruism act quite a bit. The clothes, however, can stay.

Karl Rove is gotta be one of the most Photoshop-friendly physical specimens in history. Finding a funny Rove shot on the web is easier than finding a crappy bar in downtown Albuquerque. And that's easy. As a public service, your humble blogger has spent significant time trying to find the most ideal, funniest and possibly most unfair example of the Rove Photoshop oeuvre. Here is my current candidate for such a lofty, competitive honor.

I know it' s poorly done, and doesn' t feature the Rove face which is it's own treasure trove of satirical possibilities. But this one from "Unconfirmed Sources" (which has quite a few good ones) combines this photo with a "story" headlined "Disaster Czar Rove Gears Up" about his work to rebuild New Orleans. I dunno...it gets points for taking Rove in a different direction than the "frog march" photos we're all tired of.

And speaking of tired, we're tired of waiting. We just came off the biggest schadenfreude high (and yes, I realize that's at least the third time I've written schadenfreude and that I'm way too much in love with this word) in recorded liberal 'Net history, and this little intermission lull needs to end. The climax (note we didn't use the word orgasm) can't wait any longer....doesn't this Fitzgerald guy understand scriptwriting, or foreplay?

Drop the hammer now...or we'll just get bored and start eating our own, which is what the Left does so naturally well. Besides, I don't know how much longer this Levitra schadenfreude pill is effective.

No comments: